Some celebrities require more out of their publicists than others when it comes to covering up their uncouth behavior. And based on the seemingly weekly updates from magazines and tabloids, apparently there’s no excuse too outlandish for a star to stand behind. These celebs’ justifications for their foolish or reckless acts make “My dog ate my homework” seem honorable.
Charlie Sheen
More often than not, Sheen is good for a bad-behavior story every other month or so. In November 2010, he made headlines for a drunken rampage that provided one of the most laughable excuses in a while. Seems the notorious bad boy ripped through his hotel room stark naked because, according to his publicist, he had an allergic reaction to medication. Uh-huh. Next thing you know, we’ll be hearing that spoiled fruit juice was what caused him to pick up another hooker.
Paris Hilton
She’s turned into the kind of celebrity who might actually use that “dog/homework” excuse with a straight face. Hilton blames most of her drug arrests on having been in possession of someone else’s purse at the wrong time, but the ultimate was when she was busted for felony possession of cocaine in August 2010, then claimed she thought it was gum. And that was after initially denying that the purse belonged to her at all. (She used her go-to “It was my friend’s purse” line at first.) Worst. Ever.
Ashlee Simpson
Sometimes it’s just better to come clean than to cop out. After all, who could rightly blame Simpson for taking the lip-synching route during her 2004 Saturday Night Live performance, when every other pop star was doing the same thing at the time? But after she got caught Milli Vanilli–style in front of a live audience, Simpson’s PR team went into overdrive. At first, it was the band’s fault for playing the wrong song (even though Simpson didn’t have a mic in hand). Rather than leave well enough alone, though, Simpson later released a statement blaming acid reflux, which had supposedly damaged her voice and caused her to have to use a backup vocal track. If by “backup track” she meant “recorded album,” well, okay.
Jeremy Piven
The flu. A migraine. Stomach problems. Most find it best to go with a relatable explanation to call in sick to work. But mercury poisoning? From eating too much sushi? Seriously? Yes, according to Piven. At least, that’s the reason he gave for bowing out of his 2008 performance in David Mamet’s play Speed the Plow. His reasoning was hugely mocked at the time, and yet Piven still stands by his story today, which makes it even worse.
