The Best Celebrity Tweets of 2011

“I feel like shopping for obnoxious over the top gaudy animal print <3”

In other words: “It’s Wednesday.”

“Everything good I have done, I have done on a Mac.”

And he’s a P.C.

“72 Days is now an official unit of time known as a Kardash.”

Four Kardash and seven years ago…

“Every time a magazine photoshops my nose, a nazi gets its wings. #nosepride”

So right it’s wrong.

“This is what a wasted moment looks like.”

In fact, he is absolutely right.

“I want to meet the man who saw a turtle and said, ‘People will LOVE the ninja version of that.’”

Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, meet Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill, meet Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. You’re welcome.

“Attn New York City cab drivers: avoid 7th avenue and Christopher st. Attn Buffalo, NY cab drivers: probably smooth sailing”

Solid advice on the day New York state legalized gay marriage.

“contrary to the rumors, i am not replacing charlie sheen on two and half men. however, martin sheen has asked me to be his son.”

Who knew John Stamos was funny?

“Want u all 2 know-my twitter page is now, has always been, n will always be jointly operated by my mom n an underage kid from China. #Ashton”

Speaking of Ashton Kutcher, who knew Jason Biggs was still funny?

“Wildly wiggling & jauntily jiggling myself to jolting jams as I friskily flaunt a flirty outfit completed w/sexy white 7in. go-go boots! ;-)”

Is she using one of those websites that randomly strings together sexy-sounding words?

“Room service uuuuugh! I hate when I order fruit and I can taste the other food they cut with the same knife. Beef flavored pineapples”

#FirstWorldProblems

“Sad Greece is on verge of default w/ so much potential gold wealth. I blame the ineffectual leadership of King Midas. Just touch something!”

Another great one from the hardest working man in America.

“Last week in Mexico City, a 40 yr old Interviewer started weeping, mumbling in Spanish and hugging Kermit. Everyone but me felt super weird.”

Replace Kermit with me, and this sounds like my last date.