After being forced to watch The Love Guru recently, I was appalled at the dreadful depths to which onscreen entertainment has fallen. The trashiness that saturates the programs offered for our viewing makes me feel physically ill—and secretly intrigued. I dug deep into the dark, hairy underbelly of Hollywood to uncover some of the other most tasteless, atrocious, and unprofitable films ever made.
Over Her Dead Body
Photo source: Wikimedia
The general plot of Over Her Dead Body is that Eva Longoria gets killed by an ice-sculpture on her wedding day, then comes back and haunts her husband’s new girlfriend. In the end, her betrothed marries the living woman and Eva goes back to heaven—griping, I know. Sean Axmaker, a reviewer from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer said, “... It’s as flat as day-old soda, a comedy completely lacking in bubbles or fizz.” Basically, don’t worry about her dead body; worry about dying of boredom from watching this film.
The Hottie and the Nottie
Photo source: Slash Film
The trajectory that this shameful attempt at filmmaking follows is evident from the moment the hottie protagonist falls for the nottie—after she gets plastic surgery. As of April 2008, the film is ranked as the thirteenth worst movie of all time in IMDb’s Bottom 100 list—it scored 1.6 points out of a possible 10. I guess Paris should stick to her day job ... not that she actually has one.
Gigli
Photo source: Impa Awards
By combining the mighty star powers of JLo and Ben Affleck, producers were certain they had a sure-fire hit. Ultimately, they created the world’s worst miss. Gigli received a rating of below 0 stars from Time—the only movie in history to receive this score. Critics called Gigli “the ultimate turkey of all time,” and audiences, already sick of Bennifer’s overexposure, were happy to see the movie tank.
From Justin to Kelly
Photo source: Ars Technica
This movie features Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, the winner and runner-up of the first season of American Idol. Texan singing waitress Kelly Taylor meets Pennsylvania college student Justin Bell; they fall in love and spend the rest of the movie being annoying. On IMDb.com, the film is currently rated as the twenty-fourth worst movie ever made—even lower on the list than Daddy Day Camp.
Glitter
Photo source: Thecia
Glitter follows the life of a struggling songstress in the eighties. (Hmm … sounds a bit like an autobiography, Ms. Butterfly.) Mariah did win an award for this film (at the 2001 Golden Raspberries)—an award for worst actress. I would rather watch the music video “Hero” by clicking Repeat for 104 minutes than sit through this movie.
