Have you ever had a friend who’s more like a warden? Maybe an ex-lover or a wicked stepmother? I have dealt with my fair share of people who take their anger out on their friends, sucking the life out of others with their nasty attitudes. These people are toxic to all those around them! If any of this rings a bell, there’s a good chance you have a friend who is the BP oil spill of your social life.
Now take that person who sent those bells ringing and first ask yourself, “How does this person make me feel?” If your answer strays far from “awesome,” then your friendship needs to be evaluated. Friends should leave you feeling good about yourself, inspired, and joyful. These are the people who are supposed to help you relax, have fun, and deal with the challenges of life. If your friend stresses you out, makes you feel like less of a person, or exhausts you, then the relationship is not a healthy one.
If that isn’t enough to tell you your friend isn’t an uplifting and healthy presence, here are five huge red flags:
Toxic friends …
Are consistently negative
There is always something wrong in this person’s life, and there is always something to complain about. And when it’s not their car/job/ex-boyfriend ruining their life, then they try to point out what they think is wrong in your life. Toxic friends will go out of their way to either boo-hoo or bring down, whether it’s saying how they’ll never find a job in this economy or reminding you of all the taxes that come with your new raise.
Have no respect
Toxic friends don’t give a hoot about your boundaries, your needs, or anything, for that matter. All they know is what they need from you and that they expect to get it. “No” is never an acceptable answer from you, even if you’re blowing off your day at the beach together to go spend time with your father who has to undergo surgery for cancer. This would seem logical to any normal empathetic person, but toxic friends are not empathetic; they are selfish. If you ever feel that you can’t say no to them, even for a completely valid and fair reason, then it’s time to start planning your escape route.
Are your worst critic
We’re hard enough on ourselves, we don’t need help from anyone else! But toxic friends get off on this sort of thing. They love scoffing at every out-of-place hair, putting down your significant other, or attacking your latest attempt at a Blue Period. You see, real friends don’t care if your hair is messy. They respect your relationships, and, get this, they support your ambitions. Staying in a “friendship” with someone who is constantly making you feel bad about yourself is destructive to every part of your life, even if it just affects your confidence in getting out on the dance floor. But when you have to take that big career risk, don’t you want a friend who’s there saying, “You can do it”?
Have a tragedy every day
Toxic people turn normal, everyday problems into national disasters. There is always a pending crisis in these people’s lives, even if it’s just a roommate forgetting to put their sheets in the dryer. Things like hitting red lights all the way home, which to most of us is just a part of five o’clock traffic, can ruin their entire evening. Their negativity spawns from the smallest thing and spreads from there.
