Recently, I turned forty and went away on a spa trip with three of my best friends. I anticipated the trip to be a fun, relaxing, bonding weekend with my girlfriends. My husband had already whisked me away on a romantic getaway prior, so I could not think of a better way to celebrate all of our fortieth birthdays than being together and spa-ing all weekend.
We splurged and went to one of the top-rated spas in the world. It was a serene setting, very Zen-like. The great thing about it was that it had something to do for everyone. Some people went to seminars or meditation, some went to exercise or cooking classes, some went on nature excursions, and some did not even get out of their spa robes for dinner! We agreed that we would all do our own thing but would sync our schedules to make sure meal times overlapped.
On the last night at dinner, we went around the table to say what nuggets we took away from the experience. After all, it truly was an experience of a lifetime. I went first regaled them with my observations and what I had gotten out of it. As we went around the table it was clear that everyone got something different out of the trip and two of us clearly had some issues to air. It was an adult conversation and a difficult one. I and another had held onto things that had bothered us for the sake of saving the friendship. But when we finally let it out, it was such a relief. Yet, words always warrant some repercussion when they are unsolicited. The relationship was strained. I felt it immediately. I think she did too.
I reflected on the plane ride home and wondered, why had we held in those grievances for so long? If we were best friends, then why didn’t we feel comfortable in trusting our feelings to one another? In our interactions with others we are often impressed when people can say that they have been friends with someone for a long period of time. It illustrates loyalty, a long history of ups and downs and how we define true friendship. In this case, I had known all of these women for almost twenty or more years each. The heavy discussion reminded me of a saying that goes something like, People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime, and wondered what happens if a person was just supposed to be in your life for a reason or season, and the reason or season has passed yet they are still there? Just because you know someone for twenty years doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them for the rest of your life. It also doesn’t mean that things have to end badly or abruptly. I’m not quite sure how I want to move forward as these decisions require a lot of thought. So, I decided that for the time being, I will tread lightly and treat our friendship like a pair of shoes moving forward. If I like the way the conversation feels on my feet, I’ll stick with it (the shoes), and if not, I’ll return them. But regardless, I now know that I do not have to die and be buried with these shoes. Just because we’ve been friends for what seems like a lifetime, doesn’t mean that I can’t give her to someone else who would benefit from all of her great qualities just like I would a pair of shoes that I didn’t care for anymore and gave to Goodwill. I’ll miss them, but have fond memories that I’ll cherish forever.
