I often consider myself to be a loving and supportive person but when it comes to relationships, I often revert to my isolated and introverted personality. This leads to frustrations in my romantic relationship, family relationships, and even the relationship that I have with my best friend. Following the breakup with her “on again, off again” boyfriend, I continued to try to support her in a loving and gentle manner, while being honest and true to her in her current endeavors. It is often difficult to be that supportive but truthful friend, and I find myself being pushy at times instead of being the ear that listens. So how do you help a friend get out of that depressed state following an emotionally stressful breakup with a man that you would otherwise never recommend as boyfriend material? These are just a few of the things that helped me swallow the pride of knowing how the relationship would end and be a true friend that doesn’t judge.
Listen!
One of the hardest things that I had to do was listen. I love to talk and I was prepared to talk her ear off her head about all the problems surrounding her relationship including the overused “I told you so,” or “I saw it! Didn’t you see it?”. Understand that you do not see the flaws in her relationship in the same way that she does. She was so obsessed with the way that her relationship used to be that she did not realize how much it was destroying her life and her happiness. Rather than throwing the usual curveball at her face, I decided that I would listen to her describe her feelings as a way of healthy venting.
Feel the love!
She isn’t going to stop loving him overnight just because she was persuaded to break up with him. The feelings that eat away at her heart stemmed from months (in her case years) of building up that love and affection for him. If it took her that long to put the love together what makes you so sure that your logic will ease her heart or weaken the love substantially? It may make sense in your mind, but she might not follow, so before you yell and scream and curse about her leftover feelings for him, feel her love! What would you do if you were in her situation? Could you really give up that love for him that easily?
Trust!
She isn’t a child. Her ex might be, but if you trust that your friend tried her very best to make the relationship by way of her own logic, trust that she can move forward with the same positive logic. Encourage her to channel the energy that she put into the relationship to move forward and for God’s sake don’t smother her! Allow her to find her own way rather than closing in on her. Giving her space and supporting her when needed is the best option. Trust me, she knows that if you could fix it you would. That is enough consolation for her.
