I knew it would happen. I had to. But that didn’t mean I had a plan or I was prepared or that I could handle it. And of course I never guessed I would be destroyed. The Call. The Call. That’s what it was at first…A Call. My friend, my confidant, my support...The very person I would do anything for was afraid to call me. Why? Because she knew I had been trying for years to get pregnant. And here she has this wonderful news and she’s afraid to tell me. I guess she knew me better than I knew myself.
The Call came, but not to me. She called my husband. She had just found out. She wanted to tell me but was scared. She wanted me to know right away, but she didn’t know how to tell me. She thought I would be upset. Upset! Here is my best friend wanting to share one of the most important pieces of news with me minutes after she and her husband found out and her next thought is how I might feel. Honestly I was dumb founded. My husband cautiously told me when I came home from work that he had spoken to Colleen and that they had some news. I have to admit for a half a second I was concerned. Colleen had lost her father just a few years before and her mother was aging. But the look on my husbands face was not of that type of concern…yet concerned.
He simply said Colleen and Scott are pregnant. I immediately screamed with joy and was so incredibly happy for them. When? How...Oh, I know how, when did she call…Wait! Why didn’t she call me? Then the giant pause. He says, “She wanted to tell you the minute she found out…hours ago…but she wanted to make sure you would be OK.” OK? What the hell is going on? Of course I’d want to know. How could she not call right away? My husband simply said, “She knows everything you’ve been going through and just didn’t want to surprise you and thought it best if I tell you.” Uh, OK. I’m not listening at this point and call my dearest friend to congratulate her.
“Yeah, Oh my god! Congratulations. When did you know? How did you find out? Wait didn’t you guys just say two weeks ago you thought you might start trying?” Then the bomb exploded in my head, my heart was pounding so hard I couldn’t hear, my limbs started to go numb, everything slowed down. I listened to every detail…of her wondering and buying the pregnancy test and her thinking how silly this was as they had only just started “not, not trying.” I told her I loved her and that I needed to go. I was falling apart. A thousand pieces of me were spreading across the floor and I couldn’t let her know. This is my best friend, pregnant, a monumental step in her life, an amazing moment and I was starting to lose it. I needed to run away before I brought my own desperation into her happiness. I kept it together for that one last second, hung up and ran to my bedroom. Fast on my heels was my husband. The man who has shared in the pain, the effort, the disappointment of trying and trying for years. “Are you OK?” he said gently. I could hardly hear him I was crying so hard. I managed to say, “I love Colleen. She’s my best friend. Why am I crying………Like this?”
That was the real surprise. Why am I not running to her house to tell her how much I love her and hugging her? Why am I bawling in my room with my husband not only immediately on top of it but prepared? Why does Colleen know I’m going to crumble? I’m a strong person. I’m not selfish. This is NOT about me. Oh, now I’m mad. Why is this about me? How dare I take anything away from my friend and her joy? What have I done to make her think of me before she rushes to tell me her wonderful news?
