It’s been almost a year since I last talked to my precious friend “Sandy” (not her real name) before she “flipped out” on me. Have you had one of these friends in your life? You know, someone so close to you that you felt like you were soul-sisters – best buds – because you were so much alike. Then out-of-the-blue she becomes silent and bitter and you never hear from her again. This may sound drastic but it’s not too far from what actually happened...at least from my “whirlwind” perspective of the situation.
She was an acquaintance but quickly became a cherished friend when I told her of my engagement to my now husband. Without missing a beat, she and her lovely family were instrumental in the celebration of me and my husband’s new life together. My husband and I felt we had been “adopted” by this amazing family.
As I eased into my domestic status, Sandy began calling me for daily chats. We had so much in common that it was fun and easy to talk to her. An hour or two would pass by and it would only feel like 15 minutes to us. She was a wonderful source of support because I was fairly new in this part of town and it was nice to know someone close by.
As weeks went by I started feeling guilty because Sandy was always kind enough to call me first. I was busy writing a book so my focus was always on that. Eventually, I started calling her first because friendship is a two-way street...right? At the beginning, our dialogue was about the usual chatter stuff: opinions, career, men, babies, clothes, etc. As weeks went by her conversation moved to complaints, concerns, and questioning other people’s motives. Not thrilled with where our calls were going, but wanting to be supportive, I would listen (sometimes for 2 hours or more; yes, I take responsibility for not setting boundaries!) because I never viewed her as a vindictive person. I’d give her the best advice I knew how and would hope she would move on, but, alas, she’d still go on and on and on about herself and how the world was against her (yes, it got to this point).
At some point, I thought, “I guess we’re the kind of friends who can share anything with each other”, so for a change I started to voice things that frustrated or irritated me, which was strange because I was a happy newlywed who wasn’t really frustrated or irritated by anything at the time. I had to dig into my past to find things but I figured at least I was part of the conversation now. As they say, “If you can’t beat them, join them”. Who came up with this nonsense? For me this was the beginning of the end. I should have watched my tongue and set some boundaries. The Bible says: The power of life and death are in the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it (Proverbs 18:21).
Not too long after I joined her in this “us against the world” dialogue, Sandy, my new precious friend, turned on me in a way that struck my heart and confused my intellect. To me, she became just like “those” people that she was complaining about. I knew something was odd when her chattering turned to one word answers when asked a question. Her tone of voice went from sincerity to politely robotic. Nasty-toned emails soon followed. What happened?!!!
This apparent sever of our friendship made me feel like it was my fault. After days of trying to figure out this whole ordeal I called her and asked her if anything was wrong because her voice sounded strange lately. She assured me, “nothing is wrong. I would be honest and tell you if there were. You must have something you’re dealing with and you think it’s me.” My mouth dropped, but I dare not say anything in case my perception was twisted in some way. Not one to be deterred, I wanted to set this friendship right. I called the next week and asked if I could stop by to say hi one morning (when I was in her part of the neighborhood). Silence, then an excuse from her end. I cried as soon as I got off the phone. We were no longer speaking on the phone. I finally cut the cord. Haven’t been in contact since. When I shared this story with a friend of mine, she said, “Oh! She divorced you.” I had never heard that word used in terms of friendships, but I thought it described my experience to a T.
There are many questions that go through my head. This was a person I thought I was going to joyfully have as part of the rest of my life. And now...nothing. I know I’m no saint, but she really did leave me in the dust as to what all of this was about. How do I deal with this emptiness? The only thing I know to do is to get down on my knees and ask God for His peace, which surpasses all understanding, and pray for God to bless Sandy and her family. Though I don’t understand what happened, I figure God knows what’s in her heart and I leave it at that.