Before the Divine Sisterhood of Ya-Yas there were the “Godivas.” I should know, I was one of them. Like the Ya-Yas of the deep South, we were a small group of women who came together to laugh and play, cry, and grieve —a tightly knit bunch of non-related “sisters” who were drawn to one another at an important juncture of our lives. Unlike the Ya-Yas who found each other in childhood, the Godivas joined energies in mid-life.
We journeyed together for many years, creating excuses to gather whenever we could. We planned weekend retreats, once-a-month birthday parties, and special outings that would allow us to safely explore our friendship—and ourselves. Acceptance was the mantle we wore for one another. Together, we asked the big questions of life, discovering our truest selves along the way.
I’ve found my friendships with women over the years to be soul satisfying and healing. What does it take to be an authentic friend to someone and to receive that precious gift in return?
Be a good listener.
Friendship demands deep listening, not just surface listening, but listening characterized by openhearted silence. A true friend listens with the depth of her soul and offers little, until she intuitively knows when it’s time to chime in. Friendship requires good listening and good listening takes practice.
Be trustworthy.
Friends honor the sharing that occurs between them. A true friend would not dream of betraying confidence. Loyalty is paramount. Betrayal of trust is the greatest destroyer of friendship. We must know that our self-revelations are considered sacred, a holy bond between us.
Be openhearted and willing to risk.
Friendship involves risk taking, and one we must take if we are to reap its rewards. Friendship asks that we give freely of our truest self, not a phony, disguised version of who we think we should be. The masks we often wear to cover up childhood pain or adult wounds, or to meet societal standards, must be set aside for friendship to bloom.
Be honest.
Honesty in friendship is tricky. It can be difficult to speak openly without risk of hurting someone we love. In truth, we would certainly prefer an honest friend over an insincere one. One who will tell us when we are being stubborn or unforgiving, fearful, or weak. One who will help us face those parts of ourselves from which we would like to hide. Friendship without honesty is mere companionship. Friends help us give birth to our truest selves if we are receptive to their compassionate observations. Friends serve as midwives to our souls.
