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I’m a Cliché

I love logging on to DivineCaroline and reading about the trials and tribulations of people like myself and not so like myself. It has been like attending a support group, but very anonymously. For the first time, I am putting myself out there … because for the first time, I know what it is to feel lonely. I don’t like it.

I am one of those middle-aged (oh how ugly that sounds) women who has reached that time in her life when loss is a garment I put on each day … like it or not. Children are grown and moving away, husband is struggling with his own losses (youthful dreams, stamina, career) and I am floating on a sea of despair, wishing I knew what to do next! What do I do next?

I don’t mean to sound dramatic. I have a wonderful life. A good career, loving children, a loving and dedicated husband. I probably invested TOO much in those wonderful things instead of developing the friendships I so desperately need now. We moved frequently over the years and just having moved again; it is hard to find the friends I need. Extended family is no comfort at all. They have been a source of great heartache. I’ve read the heart-felt stories here and been encouraged NOT to give up. Maybe I should find a meditation group … that may help. Being an HSP (a highly sensitive person) I am easily discouraged by negativity and resistance in others. I am just not good at creating new, healthy relationships.

So out of desperation … I am writing here. I am reaching out to what I hope will be a safe and helpful resource. Anyone out there can relate?

First published June 2009

7 readers liked this story.

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Key terms (tags) for this article:
hobby, divinecaroline, middle-aged, looking for friends, lost dreams, developing friendships (view other popular tags)

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Comments

Hello Carol, I'll relate your story to a friend of mine who is in her 40s. She did get married to the man she loved, unfortunately had to wait for 8 long years before she can have her own kid. Now she has dedicated her life to giving a "close to perfect" for the kid. But this, has not stopped her from going to the saloon, keeping herself healthy & best of all doing the things she love. We all lose ourselves along the way, the key is to find ourselves back. List what you used to like, your hobbies, passion etc. It may be a slow start but hey, you're on your way to regaining your right for a beautiful life. Do something new everyday, once you have found yourself,it's easy to be lookigng forward to tomorrow. It is never too late to have fun. For your readily available critics, more than often, they're the ones who are discontented with their lives. Ignorance in this case is bliss. As for friends, you'll get them along the path of finding yourself. Carpe Diem!

My friends aren't physically close in proximity..and I don't call them often enough nor vice versa. I don't make new friends becuase either I don't want to be in that particular "circle" or they don't "want" me in theirs. My life is content and you ladies are awesome. I'm not picky about where I find my friends as long as they are friends.

I totally understand, I think. You are so right in many ways. And, it is very hard when you move to make friends. True friends are just really a blessing in so many ways, and they can be far and few between. I left mine back in Ohio when we moved to SC. People are friendly here, but, they do not really want to be friends. Family is too busy and the thought that some would come and visit, well the economy took care of that one. We are here a year. I think I will start to volunteer and start to do some "me" things after I go back for my son's wedding. I know seeing them all and having some good times for those few days will be great, but, I LOVE my life here. I just have to make sure I complete the circle and make the friends here that I have longed for. As far as the husbands, I really don't feel to sorry for them. I think they have had it better than us, for it is harder for us to see the kids leave, I THINK and the life changes they go thru are less emotional. Take care and God Bless.