We’d been dating for a year and I was very happy. He wasn’t exactly the type of man to dote all over me, but he did like holding hands and spending as much time learning about each other as possible. He was always there for me and always willing to listen, which was very important to me. We had also been intimate for quite some time by this point. Things seemed as natural as they should in a relationship. Until...
On July 4th, 2008, we went out for a day of hiking in the woods. I remember this day well because I couldn’t believe how perfect it started out. On the way to lunch, we passed by an enormous bird sitting near the side of the road. He slowed the car as I stared, trying to figure out exactly what I was looking at. I was getting a bit irritated with myself, being a biology teacher and former naturalist, that I couldn’t figure it out. Soon it hit me and I gripped his forearm in excitement, “Do you know what that is?”
“No, but I have the feeling you’re going to tell me,” he quipped.
“It’s a bald eagle!”
We were so excited sitting there watching this bird. The bird was enormous and all one color. That was what had thrown me. He questioned how a bald eagle could be brown. I explained to him that bald eagles don’t get their white heads until after seven years of age. This eagle was likely between two and six years of age ... and he was beautiful! A bald eagle on the 4th of July ... in Indiana even! Wow!
The mom and pop restaurant we stopped to eat at was a trip in and of itself. Walking in the front door of this little greek restaurant was like stepping through a portal to the 70’s. Dark red carpet spilled beneath our feet and met with the dark paneled walls surrounding it. Long wooden spindels stood in line to separate the dining room from the bar which was sporting a rather long formica counter and faux red leather stools. Even the cash register was from an era gone by.
We sat and ate our gyros, talking the entire time about whether or not it was such a good idea to go hiking in the woods after such a massive rain. That and I wasn’t exactly dressed for the occassion. I had on cropped jeans and a nicer top. Even after a year, he still had that spontaneous streak in him that I couldn’t help but adore...even if it lead me out into the mucky wilds dressed like I was ready to shop at Target.
He paid and we walked outside. He grabbed my elbow as we walked, “You would not believe what just happened in there. I was paying and that lady sitting at the counter? She asked me out. Can you believe it?”
I knew why he was astonished. Frankly, his male pride was hurt. The woman was at least 15 years older than he and she hadn’t exactly taken care of herself. She was not bad looking, but she looked like she’d seen some extremely rough times...or parties...in her life. Still, I was a bit incensed! How dare she! We were sitting in there together and he paid for my lunch! It didn’t take a rocket scientist to do the math on that one. I paused and he could tell I was not happy.
“No, now don’t get upset. I’m not trying to set you off. I just...I can’t believe she hit on me. I was just telling you because I thought you’d be thinking the same thing I was,” he said...and he was right.
This day was important to me. Although we were in a relationship, I had hoped to talk to him about taking it to the next level where maybe we could start taking our kids on day trips together. They met and played, but I really wanted to start doing things with all 5 of us. I was prepared with what I wanted to talk about and this little incident threw me off for no reason in particular.
Hiking led to both of us being covered from head to toe in mud. Okay, so hiking, though spotaneous, might not have been the way to go. It was fun, but we were tired, muddy, and covered in mosquito bites. A shower was next on my list. On the way back to his place, I received a call from my business partner who is nothing more than that, a business partner. He is 25 years my senior and I affectionately call him my ‘other’ dad. I chatted with him on an appointment he needed to set up and then hung up the phone. Out of nowhere started the strangest conversation with my beloved (who knew and liked my business partner).
“So, I really haven’t had time to give you all the, ahem, attention, you need lately,” he started out nervously.
I knew what he meant and I wasn’t worried about it. His mom was incredibly sick and was not getting any better. His son was scheduled for corrective heart surgery in the next few months. Even worse, he had a new boss and the company was talking about moving overseas. I knew he was stressed so sex was really the least of my concerns. I told him as much, but his answer shocked me.
“I appreciate that, but I don’t expect you to put up with it. I’m sure you could find someone else if you wanted to.”
I was stunned, “You do realize that was my business partner on the phone, right?”
“Yeah, but it just got me to thinking that there are probably other guys out there you could be with who could do, well, more for you than what I can right now.”
Was he kidding? Where had this come from? Was I being dumped? On today, of all days, the day I wanted to talk...was he breaking up with me? He seemed to sense my shock. He reached over and stroked my arm.
“I’m not saying I’m going anywhere, I’m just saying I would understand.”
Then it hit me...that first date we had over a year ago. I remembered my first impression-insecure. This was his insecurity showing through, but it was tearing me apart! I also recalled a conversation I’d had with his sister not too long ago. She asked if I knew about his divorce. I said that neither one of us were very thrilled to relive our individual memories of our divorces. Still, she thought I should know so I could better understand him.
He’d had, what he thought, was a great marriage.
