One morning, I opened my door to a stack of newspapers wrapped in twine with a note scribbled on ruled paper ripped out of a spiral notebook:
Good Morning:
And welcome, New Kid on the block—To the N.Y. Daily News’ special subscription program. Available only to the very unique individual.
This morning we are making available a very limited supply of today’s “Queens” edition. You don’t have to look too closely to notice the spelling error on the front page of the 3 4 bottom copies—As compared to the corrected, later version (on top beneath this message).
One might think that a Billion Dollar Corp. like the News could afford to hire linotype guys who can at least spell correctly; But if that’s the case, then how does a screw up like this occur. Hmm. —Industrial sabotage perhaps—you say—OR—Well one reason (as I always say) that any idiot goes to work for the “News” in the first place is because they are some sort of effin’ moron—OR—It is a simple transposition. Everyone makes mistakes—Wait; that’s right—That’s how I got to work there.
We understand that in the “Brave New World” of today—that people sell all sorts of junk on places like E-Bay & other similar places.
If they are interested in things like free U.S. currency. Now: if you–gentle reader
(OVER)
are interested in making a few extra Free $’s—then quickly—Because others are already doing this—get “on-line” and see what you can off these things for. Check out what others in a similar position are doing.
Take, for example—“Tommy”—yeah that’s a good name—Who is maybe like 5 foot 6 & weights about 400 lbs—Who’s normal occupation is delivering personally—or subcontracting out to kids on bikes or whatever the “News.”
Now—he is not sleeping—while there is money to be made. No No—he is on e-Bay as we speak—OFFing the 50 copies he decided that he could gamble on.
Now you are starting to wonder—Why don’t you off these bleeding things yourself—you silver tongued old devil—on E-Bay or whatever. Well it seems that I offed my computer. I don’t need an expensive machine sitting around—collecting dust most of the time Then when I turn it on—it tells me how much of a moron I am. — Like I don’t know that already. So—if you are interested in free $’s—There are available a very limited supply—So Hurry—Others are already doing this—LIKE for example—Sue & Steve & Phil from 2 Houses down uphill. Contact A @ apt. 4C—By slipping a request form under door. xxx
Sure enough, the stack of papers had a misprint on the front page, albeit an uninteresting one: nad for and. Not much of a cybergirl, my first inclination was to chuck the pile with the recyclables, but curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to see what was happening on eBay. There were a few listings of the Queens edition misprint, but at such low bidding prices, I couldn’t waste my time for a few nickels. The one thing I did save was the letter—I wasn’t sure what to make of this guy just yet, and I’ve certainly picked up my fair share of weirdoes with my friendliness, so I filed it away in a folder labeled “from neighbor 4C” just in case. In the meantime, I uncovered a valuable clue: his name started with A, and he lived right up the stairs from my front door.
I’m one of those people who can usually remember things with the help of one letter, but this was the last one I’d have picked out of the alphabet for Mr. Marlboro Buddha. Nothing fit: Adam, Albert, Archie, Andrew, Allan, Aaron, Amelio, Ahab, Anonymous. The names on the door plate and the mailbox didn’t offer much either, other than his last name. However, that came in handy a few weeks later when a big box arrived for Alvin Shapiro.
