Are you a very neat person? Do you try to color coordinate your clothes? Love making lists? There’s a good chance you’re first born in your family birth order.
Your birth order affects your personality and nearly every aspect of your life, but it is not an absolute, indelible mark. It’s only one of many factors in personality development. And no one order is better than another, however, it can be reversed or turned around by illness, early death, or the mental incapacity of a sibling.
If You’re the First Born …
The first-borns often are high achievers and are very conscientious, reliable, and loyal. They’re also scholarly (not all the time, though) and feel better being in control of a situation (I know I do).
Why? The parents. It’s the first baby and while there’s a lot of excitement and anticipation on the parents’ part, there’s also a lot of pressure and demand from them to be the best.
This can result in two basic types: compliant and wanting to please, or strong-willed and aggressive. (It’s possible to have traits of both.)
First-borns often have to grow up fast and become “little adults” before they’re ready.
If the first is a female, she may be another “mother” to her siblings. If there’s a youngest brother, he may be “mothered” by sister—even through adulthood! With the oldest brother, however, it’s mutual respect and a friendly rivalry.
A special note: “Only” children tend to have first-born characteristics, only more intensified.
Here are a few tips for coping with the first born status:
1. Relax. (Can be too active. This is very true, for many are workaholics.)
2. Learn to say no. (Don’t try to do everything and be everything to everyone.)
3. Don’t aim for perfection.
4. Keep paying attention to details.
5. Keep being organized.
6. Develop a sense of humor.
If You’re the Second or Middle-Born …
Second and middle-born’s tend to be a bit opposite of first-borns. A middle child can be: a loner, quiet and shy, sociable, outgoing, friendly, laid-back, a peacemaker, aggressive, very competitive, or not at all. (Basically unpredictable.)
Their behavior traits are not as firmly etched as the first-borns, for their role model is usually not the parents much, but their friends. Friends are very important to this birth order. Also, the middle-born (and seconds) can observe the first-born and pick up some traits there, or decide to go in the other direction.
Although they’re far more outgoing than first-borns, middles are the most secretive. They’re also the most monogamous of all birth orders (My middle brother really takes to children and married life) and have less hang-ups. (There’s not as much parental pressure to succeed.) In essence, they’re very balanced.
They have excellent people-oriented social skills and often make great managers and leaders because they understand compromise and negotiation.
If You’re the Youngest …
Now a few words about the youngest, last but definitely not least in the family. These are true “people persons” or life of the party. The babies are often charming, friendly manipulators who have a large desire to make their mark on the world. They’re also rather absentminded, and tend to have real highs and deep lows. They crave attention and are often the family clown or entertainer. People-oriented vocations are their forte. This group makes great salespeople.
Last-borns can be cocky, however, and they don’t worry about the after-effects of their actions or decisions. While they’re uncomplicated and affectionate, they can also be rebellious, temperamental, spoiled, and impatient.
This birth order could benefit by learning to be neat, accepting more responsibility, be less self-centered, and admit their faults without blaming others. In addition, try not to hog the spotlight.
By Pat Jacobs
Updated January 8, 2009