Tips for Long-distance Caregiving

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3. Ask your parents’ lawyer to make at least twenty official legal copies of your power-of attorney forms since home copies will not hold up in court.

4. Invest in a fax-machine. In addition to your telephone and email account, it will become invaluable when corresponding with doctors, accountants, hospitals, Medicare, insurance companies, pharmacies, and banks.
 
5.  Utilize online banking. Set this up with your parents’ bank before your parents become incapacitated. It may be necessary for them to answer questions and/or give permission on your behalf. Doing this will save not only postage, but time and energy.
 
 6.  Find a way that your parents can have access to spending money. My mother’s assisted living facility set up a small banking account for her. This is something that I had to ask for. The facility didn’t do it automatically.
 
7.  Keep a rolodex of important phone numbers relating to the affairs of your parents. Include the names of physical therapists, nurses, doctors, financial advisers, lawyers, insurance agents, ministers and friends. Do the same with your email address book on your email site.
 
8. Organize copies of important papers—such as wills, power of attorney documents, living trusts, living wills, insurance papers, bank and tax statements—in a carry-all file box. Many of these original forms will probably reside in a safety-deposit box in your parents’ hometown bank. Accurate records will help avoid later disputes.
 
9.  Put the key to the safety deposit box in a place that you will easily find it. You might want to keep it in a large bright red, orange, or shocking pink envelope and place this envelope at the front of the carry-all file box mentioned above. It can be easy to misplace the key if you become distracted by your emotions if- and-when your loved ones become seriously ill.
 
10. Visit as often as time and money allow. Not only is it important to your parents’ mental and physical health, it is equally important to their financial, legal, and medical health. When a doctor, nurse, or lawyer can see that you are attentive, they are not as likely to let things slip.
 
11. Massage is beneficial for those in assisted living and nursing homes. Set up a regular appointment for a therapist to visit. My mother, who was not ordinarily a touchy, feely person, loved it! And when it comes to touch, don’t forget yourself. My massage therapist in Brunswick became a source of soothing solace during those three years!
 
12. Ask for help. Make friends with your parents’ friends and keep in touch. Consult with geriatric specialists in the state where they live. Laws vary from state to state.  If you have siblings, find ways they can help even if it is buying and selecting seasonal gifts. Join a care-givers support group, if the task seems too overwhelming, or if you are confused about how to help parents who are lonely or in despair over their deteriorating health. You will be comforted and your parents will appreciate the fact that you did!