I am upset. Everything I did not want my relationship to be with my only daughter appears to me to be crystallizing. Somewhere in the mix, I must have become my mother. How dreadful. How disappointing.
It isn’t the first time I’ve allowed myself to feel this. Over the years, my husband, on occasion, would share that she would come to him because she could not speak to me. It hurt deep inside, but I did not want her to see it, so I always covered it up. I did not want her to know that he and I had discussed it, for some reason. And the reason was simple for me. I wanted this great relationship with her. I wanted it to exceed what I had experienced with my own mother. However, she has let me know that judgment shows on my face and makes her very uncomfortable. Even though we are “the most laid back parents of her friends,” my sometimes harsh temperament makes her very uneasy. Is this parenting?
I have to step back and look at the situation fairly. I have always thought she was a great daughter. This twenty-year-old is a beautiful young woman who is making good grades in college. She likes to be with her friends and boyfriend. She doesn’t help out here any longer since she “has moved on.” She wants and needs help doing many things which we are here to help her with. However, I do not want to do them for her any longer. I have started to feel like I am her lackey and I do not like the feeling. I want her to take initiative and do things on her on and not expect me to be there watching as she runs through simple errands. Was this what my mother did?
