Kids grow up way too fast. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I went to my first prom? Wait ... oooh, I remember “what” I did after my first prom and yes, I was a good girl! Imagine our horror when my fifteen-year-old daughter came home excited about her first prom! I cringed. I was not ready for this; she is not ready for this!
My husband was on the “wild” side as a teen. I probably would have been forbidden to date him. My husband is constantly reminding our boys that they cannot come up with anything that he hasn’t already tried, which that is pretty scary but it is reality. They know he knows and he tells them about decisions he regrets.
One thing we do with all three of our teenagers has been being honest about our own mistakes as teens. They face the same stuff we did—just sooner. They also face stuff we never would have thought about “way back then” so we discuss everything openly. Quiet worrying does nothing for anyone.
It was not long ago when my fifteen-year-old daughter and I had a very frank talk about losing virginity. I told her about what happened to me, at a party, pretending to be much older than I was, drunk, and passed out; waking up in a mess and not understanding what had happened. Perhaps I was lucky not to remember.
Being sincere and honest about what happened to me made this more of a reality to my daughter. She was astounded that my best friend took me there, convinced me it was okay to fib about where I was at to my parents. This “best friend” thought it was very funny that I did not understand what had actually happened to me.
This really brought it home to her, that when something feels wrong then it probably is and you should really think for yourself and not be pressured into a situation by even a best friend. Her reaction, “Wow, some best friend.” My daughter has told me that this story and the fact that it really happened to me showed her that it could happen to anyone, which is the point.
So being seen as human and not perfect can be a good thing. We are not perfect parents, nobody is. When my daughter started high school we sat down and watched American Pie together. We talked about the fact that even though this is a comedy, it is the closest thing to reality out there. Boys really will do anything, say anything, etc. to reach a goal that their hormones are screaming for, and their friends are pressuring them to achieve. It is reality. Her step-dad sat there shaking his head, and she knew it was true. It is human. It is something she had to know about in order to know what to do when faced with it.
If your kids are really young, think about opportunities to really talk to them about the realities of life, all the time. Keep it within the boundaries of age appropriateness. Humor and honesty is a key. Remember they are roughly four to seven years ahead of what you experienced at their age when they are in middle school/high school. Don’t wait too long to discuss the really important stuff. They don’t tend to roll their eyes so much if it is a topic, which has been openly discussed all along.
On a professional level, I used to see at least six different girls every month, all under the age of fifteen and pregnant. Some topics need to be openly discussed way earlier than you might think. It is a harsh reality that our kids are forced to mature faster than their bodies and minds.
Our other two teens are boys. This summer they each got a book about puberty, skin care, reproduction, and birth control. I called it the “freedom of information act” because I had given a similar book to my daughter when she turned eleven. By the way, her book became so worn that I had to tape it together before she finally decided it didn’t offer any new information for her and she shared this book with many friends that weren’t so lucky to have real information available. I’d rather them learn the truth than some weird stuff kids at school speculate about and I have heard some really misleading stuff from some of my young patients.
