There is a frightening trend that I’ve noticed of late; maybe you’ve seen it already. What I’m seeing is that the majority of the under fifty generation, seem to be disconnected from their aging parents. I don’t know if that is considered the “me generation,” but that seems to be the trend, me first, “you” (aging parent) later or when I have time.
I have also seen that my generation the over fifty and under seventy seem to be the last generation that takes personal interest in, and care of their aging parents. Some of us don’t need a lot of personal help and time from our children at this stage of the game, however, from what I am noticing we are to be most pitied when we do. I have seen friends and relatives of my generation extend personal care to their aging parents. My mother lives over two thousand miles away, but we speak on an average of four times a week. Some weeks it’s everyday, especially when I feel she is not at her best. When she is really ill, I will fly to her side in a heartbeat. Fortunately that isn’t very often, however I try to visit her at least twice a year, even though this is a financial hardship for me. However I reason that she is the only real mother that I will ever have.
This is not to pat myself on the back, for this is just what I should be doing. I watch one of my barely ambulatory friends spend the better part of her life taking care of her aging mother, who lives over thirty miles from her. She will drop everything and “hobble” to her mother’s side, even though she has relatives better able to take care of her. She divides her time between her home and her mother’s home, but she feels that her mother is her responsibility and she takes that very seriously. I applaud her for that. My mantra to friends of my generation is, “don’t think that what you are giving out you will get back in kind, don’t think that your adult children will feel and do the same for you.” Now, I am not saying that will be the case for all of us, but be prepared for it to be the so. If your children do take up the baton and run with it, it will be a pleasant surprise, however, if they don’t you won’t be sorely disappointed.
I have been suggesting to my friends, and implementing this myself, that we make a life for ourselves apart from our children. What we (a lot of us are single, either through death of a spouse or divorce), are doing is beginning to group or partner with one or more for fun and support. It has been suggested that all adults, especially those of us who are single, have an advocate, particularly for medical reasons. Take them with you when you go to the doctor, even if you are married. The advocate should be someone not your spouse. The reason given for that is, sometimes your spouse is so use to hearing your complaints that they turn a deaf ear and won’t really hear you when you have a legitimate complaint.
Back to what my friends and I are doing, by the way we are all women, (this can also work for men). We have what I term “Old Girl Pajama Parties” movie nights at home, tea parties, we attend theatrical plays, the movies, lunch, dinner etc. Sometimes we just sit around and talk, which is very pleasant, because we all have similar interest. Now we live in Southern California, so the outside activities are numerous also, however, wherever you live, you can make up your own fun. This is a wonderful time in our lives, and we don’t want to miss a minute of it, sitting around complaining about what others are not doing for us. So as we are aging, we can make the best of it.
