My mother, as I knew her, was a strong, determined, fierce woman. She protected her husband and her four children. She quietly fought behind the scenes for civil rights and justice for all. She attended church regularly several times a week.
She was not a person who readily shared her feelings with me—her only daughter. I wish she would have told me about sex, love, marriage, and friendship. Whenever I asked, I was simply told I was too young to know. I guess I never got old enough becuse she never shared anything with me! I wish she had told me how she survived the death of her children. That insight on survival would have certainly helped me later in life when I was faced with the same situation.
My mother had many sayings and one-liner rules! Her words sometimes still ring in my ears. I realize now some of these sayings are not words to live by … they are not true! Perhaps you have heard some of the following:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
I’ll trust in the Lord.
Your mouth will be the death of you.
You lie down with dogs, you get fleas.
You’re too young to know.
If a man doesn’t respect his mother or sister, he will not respect you.
Early to bed, early to rise makes you healthy, wealthy, and wise.
The early bird catches the worm.
Still waters run deep.
Turn the other cheek.
Poor as a church mouse.
No pot to piss in.
Always wear clean underwear.
You’re pretty but you hide your beauty with makeup.
A fool’s name like a fool’s face is always seen in a public place.
God takes care of babies and fools.
Young ladies don’t go to church in bare legs, uncovered heads, or ungloved hands.
Purse and shoes match, gloves and hat match.
Little to no makeup. Nails clean and trimmed—no polish.
No crossing legs.
No switching when you walk.
Home before dark.
Church clothes. Play clothes. School clothes.
Brush or rub eyebrows several times a day to keep them smooth and “ruly.”
Pinch nose in an upward swing several times a day for a beautiful shape.
Never sleep with your head to the East.
I need to check and see where the moon sign is.
No pants or shorts.
Keep skirt down—especially while sitting.
No bare arms.
Don’t forget to grease/lotion your knees and elbows.
You weren’t born attached to anyone.
Gosh dang-it!
The Lord is my shepherd.
When my mother died, I was thirty-five and devastated. I had to learn how to communicate with her on another level. Her death was sudden and unexpected. It was my first experience at feeling that awful, indescribable pain and empty heart. I realized without her I wouldn’t have existed! Mama gave me life and purpose and to keep her spirit alive, I had to go on with her inside of me. It was at that point I stopped questioning God or asking why. Instead, I remembered and learned lessons she had tried to teach me over and over. A lesson that I am not in control. A lesson that all answers won’t be revealed in this life on earth. A lesson that faith is the key. A lesson that God is.
She did the best she could with what she had and her best is ME! And I think I turned out pretty dang good …
