We’ve all heard the jokes. Many of us have even endured countless horror stories from friends about the overbearing one, the meddling one, or the one who thinks, “That woman will never be good enough for my son.” Of course, I’m talking about our partners’ mothers. How well you fare with her will, at least to some degree, influence your relationship with him. Unrest between the mother and the “new woman” is an age-old dilemma and one that could potentially disrupt happiness in your love life.
So the question is: How do you win her over? I’ve been with my boyfriend (now fiancé) for over thirteen years, and I still don’t have a definitive answer to that question. Then again, I’ve technically never tried to find an answer. From the day I met his mother, I just tried to be myself and get to know her. Here are some things I’ve learned and tested out along the way.
1. Compliment Her
Whoever said flattery will get you nowhere clearly did not know what they were talking about. Who doesn’t like a compliment every now and then? They make us feel all warm and fuzzy. If you think her new haircut looks great, tell her. Apart from being pleased that you like her sense of style, she’s going to appreciate the fact that you’re paying attention. The greatest thing you can praise her for is something you know she takes pride in. Cooking and baking are my soon-to-be-mother-in-law’s forte, and I tell her so. Of course, I consider myself lucky, as it’s not hard to show sincere gratitude for a mouthwatering meal or a delicious dessert.
Take heed, though; excessive adulation may lead her to believe you’re faking it, which will just negate all the sweet things you’ve said.
2. Ask Her About Her Interests
“So, do you guys have any snow yet?” Unless there’s a blizzard where she is or an earthquake where I am, I’d really rather not know. Questions about the weather drive me nuts—I feel like they’re pure filler—even though I, unfortunately, catch myself talking about it all too often. When I do, I quickly drop the subject and try to pick up on a previous conversation instead. My fiancé’s mother has been taking jewelry-making classes and is always on the hunt for new beads and hardware, so I try to ask her about this when I can. When I inquire about what she’s doing in her spare time, I’m not only showing interest in her life but also actively pursuing topics for us to discuss the next time we talk. Showing curiosity about her interests translates into “This woman cares about my life.” Who knows, she may just introduce you to something that you’ll develop an interest in.
3. Avoid Having Conversations About Family Problems
Even if you’re certain you have something incredibly insightful to add to the family feud, don’t. Unless the disagreement involves you directly or indirectly, family disputes are best left alone. Most of us would probably agree that family members can openly express any type of emotion they like about one another, but that outsiders are not allowed to weigh in. The moment you add your two cents, heads will roll. Even if you’re agreeing with her, it’s never a good idea to offer your take on the matter.
4. Ask Her for Advice
Women, by nature, like to feel needed and that their perspective on life can be influential to those around them. If your partner’s mother has invaluable wisdom to impart, why not take advantage of that? My fiancé’s mother is older and wiser than I am, so, because of her life experience, I seek her counsel from time to time. However, keep in mind that when you do this, you open yourself up to unsolicited advice. Be aware of this, and instead of raising an eyebrow, just acknowledge it, thank her, and move on to a new subject.
