How does one keep kind thoughts about a parent who has become a chore?
When I was young my father could do no wrong. As a young adult, he was wise beyond measure. He gave me advice about my career—never about personal issues, never about emotions, never about the softer side of life. No, the technician engineer training of his WWII generation didn’t cross into those territories. No, he focused on tasks, goals, and achievements—never processes relationships, or friends. But he did give me tremendous confidence in my abilities as a professional and for that I will always be grateful.
But as he’s aged, that lack of softness has had an unanticipated side effect: a tremendous self-absorption in his tasks, in whatever is important to him at the moment. A virtual blindness to what others may be needing or caring about, to what they may value. At eighty-seven he’s healthy—but without friends or other family and constantly asking for my attention. He wants me to participate in virtually everything he does … he has no one else. Sad, but honestly, it’s largely his fault, as he drives people away.
I hate that my love for him has transitioned into great annoyance. He places such demands on my time that I no longer enjoy his company.
I see my father three times a week. I listen to him daily. And yet, the father I remember … the father I loved for decades, is lost. Can anyone tell me how to find him?
