After a difficult work week and a Friday night out with friends, I was really looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning. In preparation for my extended slumber, I closed the plantation shutters to prevent early morning light from peaking in, fluffed my pillows, closed the windows, and strategically placed my earplugs in to muffle my husbands snoring. Ah, glorious, precious sleep quickly followed.
I was having an amazing dream of several well muscled, abbilicious, men (details not ready for prime time), when I heard a faint sound of barking. Barking? Barking is not part of this fantasy, which one of you guys brought your dog along? Okay, it’s not part of my dream, it’s my dog in the backyard! I roll myself out of bed, cuz the hubby is obliviously still snoring and check out the backyard activity. Ruby and the Raccoons are at it again, “RUBY, RUBY, RUBY, get in here!” I look at the clock and it’s 2 a.m. in the morning, “Crap!” I climb back into bed, secure the earplugs (husband is still snoring away), and try like hell to resume the delicious dream I was having. No such luck, “Damn dog!” Well, at least I get to sleep in.
I was sleeping very deeply, the most precious type of paradoxical sleep, the REM state, when I feel these little feet marching up and down my body. Feet to chest, feet to chest, back and forth, back and forth, it’s the cats! The trick is, don’t let them know that you’re awake. Don’t move, don’t open your eyes, lie completely still. They’ll go away. Feet to chest, feet to chest, back and forth, back and forth, it’s driving me nuts. I can’t do it, I can’t lay here under the cat parade any longer. I lift the sheets, turn over, and gracefully kick the cats off the bed. I opened my eyes to check out the time, it’s 5:30 in the morning!
I started dozing off again, when all of a sudden light comes poring into the room. I open my eyes, to see my cat on the hamper, opening up the shutters with one paw while peering over his shoulder at me. I quickly pull the covers over my head and ignore him. Bam! The next thing I feel, is the cat landing on my stomach like it’s a trampoline. I shouted, “You little SOB, get out of here!” I get a little cranky when I’m sleep deprived. And, yes, the hubby is still snoring away. One more hour, that’s all I ask. I start dozing off again, when I hear a rattling sound. The cat is rattling the plantation shutters while peering at me with his wicked little eyes and that devilish little grin. “Stop it, you little jerk!” I shouted. My other cat, is now pacing back and forth on the floor meowing. Not a sweet little meow, more like, meeeeeeoooooowa, and it’s getting louder and louder. Forget water boarding, this should be the form of torture Obama takes a stand against. I decide not to concede to these evil, furry, little creatures that think the world revolves around them. I push the earplugs in further, put another layer of blankets over my head, and hunker down. Feet to chest, feet to chest, feet to chest, bam, bam, rattle, rattle, rattle, Meeeeoooowa, all right, I give! Maybe I’ll sleep in another day.
