I read somewhere recently, though I can’t recall where exactly, that women get married when they find the right guy, whereas men marry the woman they’re dating when they’re ready to settle down. I have no idea what men think, but, if true, it certainly would help explain why it’s not uncommon for the men in our past to resurface.
The last several guys I’ve dated were recycled. The flirts in between? Recycled too. One college friend is dating a former lover, another still hasn’t ended her phone sex (and occasionally real-life) affair with her college boyfriend, and yet another girlfriend was continually recycling one guy—she put him in the blue bag by the curb three times before finally dumping him for good (I hope).
In every case, the women I’m referring to are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And I’m not saying that because I’m talking about my friends. All are genuinely awesome. So why reach back into the past to recycle a relationship that’s already failed at least once? Why is it so hard to find a new, great guy?
In almost all of the instances of recycling that I know of, the initiative for getting back together was his. What motivates them to seek us out, often after many years? Have they given up on finding someone new, or has the time and distance from us, mixed in with a little more maturity, given them a new appreciation for how fabulous we really are?
What I’m most interested in knowing, though, is why we agree to give them another chance. Do we wonder if he was the great catch that got away? Or are we just settling because we’re afraid of being alone?
I think part of the explanation is simply that dating is hard. You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out another person’s habits and quirks before you realize maybe your Prince Charming is a frog. It always feels like such a wasted investment when you do. Not just emotionally, but think about the countless hours you analyzed his every move with your girlfriends, all those outfits you tried on (and bought), the manicures, the romantic playlists you created on your iPod, the dinners you learned to cook, the time you pretended to like camping. All for what?
