I was set up with, I dated, and I was dumped by a dating expert.
There wasn’t a diploma on his wall, but multiple sites on the Internet verified his “expert” status: on his dating website, on his dating blog, on his Facebook page. Before we were set up, I dabbled in my usual predate online research: visiting his Facebook page, Google search, LinkedIn, and IMDB (I live in L.A.). I wouldn’t show up to a job interview without doing research on the company, the least I can do is hit the obvious sites before dating someone in 2010.
On our first date, I was oblivious to the fact that he had written an article about what to do on first dates. I didn’t discover the article until later but luckily, I possess some common sense and managed to act in a way that passed all of his “red-flag tests.” But once I knew this article and hundreds of others like it lived on the free world wide web, I let my inherent nerd research skills take flight. Never before had I dated someone who had published organized answers to all those annoying dating questions I hate to ask. Not only did I have the content, I had the date they were posted (how recent had he had these feelings?) and sexy pics nuzzled next to the article to keep my interest (and maybe cause a bit of jealousy … oh, they’re just stock photos. Oh good.) I had answers to questions I wouldn’t have even thought to ask.
This was exciting! I felt like I had a dating advantage.
Not only was he going to be perfect at dating, I was going to be the perfect dating subject. And that is exactly what happened. We “perfectly” dated for four months. The dates weren’t perfect, and neither of us were perfect, but whatever we did, we maintained the correct distance so our relationship would never turn into something more or something less. I never was or ever would be the girlfriend of this dating expert. I was always just his date.
I realize now, after getting the professional dump from the professional dater, that I don’t want to be with an “expert.” I want to be with someone who sucks at dating. Who sucks at maintaining enough distance so they never get close. Who sucks at doing just enough to hang onto me. The less dating diplomas they have, the better.
