I find myself spending way too much time debating issues in all areas of my life, but for today’s purposes we’ll just focus on dating. I have decided to provide myself a set of rules for dating. Call it silly, but I shall try this until it doesn’t work for me anymore.
Rule #1: When meeting someone online, I no longer want to waste time chatting, texting, or talking on the phone. I’m picky and I need to know right away if I’m going to be attracted to someone. I don’t want to spend a few weeks or a month getting to know someone and filling my head with useless information about someone that may not be doable. And I don’t care what you say, pictures lie. You can’t see someone’s bald spot in a picture. You don’t see their funky teeth and if they’re fluffy, they certainly find ways to hide it in online photos. So from now on, I will spend no more than ten days “getting to know” someone before a date occurs. I have implemented this with the following text: “Are we going to meet up anytime soon ’cause I get bored easily?” This practice has led to quick dates so according to my calculations, my rule works!
Rule #2: Facebook. I will not accept any Facebook friend requests before I’ve met someone. This has always been a shady rule for me, but more recently I’ve allowed myself to go against my better judgment and I’ve accepted people on the day of the date. Bad idea. My own personal worst case scenario: guy friends me on the day of the date and lo and behold, he’s been single for a whopping two weeks . . . further research concludes that his recent single status comes on the heels of a 2.5 year relationship. Why in the world would this guy friend me when the top fuve photos on his page are of him and his ex? So from now on, no acceptances until after the first date and only at my discretion.
Rule #3: As a follow-up to rule #2, if I did accept someone as a Facebook friend, I will no longer continue to remain friends after contact has subsided. I have set myself a one-month time period in which I will allow myself to delete someone that has not contacted me. You’re asking yourself, why so long? Well I don’t want to seem bitter by deleting someone after only a week of no contact. Waiting a month allows the other person enough time to sufficiently forget about me and perhaps, depending on the number of friends they already have, not even notice that I’m gone. I created this rule because I spend way too long debating when I’m allowed to delete someone that hasn’t spoken to me in a long time.
Rule #4: Most importantly, dating it supposed to be fun. Because my friends are unable to keep up with who’s who in my dating life and I do not have the time or energy to create a dating log of photos and bios, each date will be given a nickname so that I can refer back to them at any time. This is the best dating rule because it allows me to begin pondering the nickname while I’m on the (most likely boring) date.
If you’d like to borrow any or all of my rules, I simply ask that you send me a check for $1.50 for my creative fees.
