What Your Dream Valentine’s Day Date Says About You

This traditional date is the “oatmeal” of all choices: not terrible, but completely predictable and unbearably boring. You have a fabulous job and sophisticated palate, allowing you to order things such as Chateaubriand and a glass of their finest Pinot Meunier without stuttering. Elegance aside, your tendency to “play it safe” indicates that you aren’t very creative, and believe that true romance only occurs when Matthew McConaughey spontaneously appears to fix your broken ankle then takes you out for Italian.

Your addiction to sugar-free Redbull sparks only one interest for you on this night: bar hopping! Why would you limit yourself to just one date when everyone knows Valentine’s Day is ripe for the picking of drunken singletons? You’ve never believed in “one true love,” and you’re sure as hell not into one-on-one time, but sure that guy you’ve been sort of seeing can come with you as long as he doesn’t get in the way of your game. You have the ability to attract lots of men because of your easy-going, fun persona, many of which you accept because “hey, there’s nothing like a free shot!”— especially when you’re in between jobs.

You are vulgar, loud, and have a confidence that tells the world, “If you don’t like it, deal with it!” You have a certain self-awareness that you believe other girls don’t have, but in reality, they do; they just know the appropriate times to censor themselves. To you, no candlelit dinner can be as exciting as a heart-pumping horror flick with someone who doesn’t mind that you scream, “Bitch, don’t you dare open that door!” at the TV screen. Shockingly, unless you’re dating a deaf guy or fellow psychopath, those aren’t exactly the most endearing words to hear on Valentine’s Day.

You are independent simply because you’re used to it, and aren’t afraid to let everyone know how anti-Valentine’s Day you are. However, you secretly wish you were asked out to the fancy dinner. Instead, you agreed to a basketball game in fear of rejection. Suffice it to say, your home is in dire need of an interior decorator and you could probably use a makeover and a bikini wax.

For you, childhood was a time to explore all of your wildest interests. Rather than mastering the monkey bars, you were in the library, frolicking through long division and the physiology of sea mammals. Now having reached womanhood, a juncture where it’s time to get serious, you seem to be struggling with some life choices. Your full-time job and handful of children is a lot to deal with. Being the intelligent multi-tasker that you are, you’re able to kill two birds with one stone on this date; first, you get to cross out “hubby time” off your checklist when you book a couple’s facial whether he wants one or not, and secondly, you’re able to get the pampering and relaxation that is crucial to your diminishing sanity.

This date says, “All I want on Valentine’s Day is you … Also, I don’t feel like getting dressed and I’d like to eat chocolate in bed without judgment. Fair enough, but much like Regis Philbin and your hair when you wake up in the morning, you can be a little dull. Enjoy your evening of snuggling up to a The Notebook and takeout (your bank account will surely appreciate it), just maybe put away the knitting, grandma. It is the holiday of love, after all.

Is this a Valentine’s date, or a pre-engagement honeymoon? Your high standards are absurdly unrealistic, which makes you impossible to satisfy. There’s no such thing as a romantic gesture too over-the-top or a love note too-mushy. You’re a cross between Paris Hilton and the heroine of a Daniel Steele novel, which makes you a handful—but a passionate and tan one, at least.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Related Stories:
What Your John Hughes Movie Crush Says About You
Seven Gifts for Couples Who Share Everything
Five Date-Ready Outfits for Valentine’s Day