Are You Neutering Your Man?

Trauma was the big ordeal of last week. Our puppy, Biscuit was neutered.

My husband, Lorenzo was a wreck. I had to reassure him (more than once) it wasn’t his balls we were removing.

Neutering Biscuit got me thinking about the trauma men must feel when women inadvertently neuter them by refusing their gifts and invitations.

Do you “neuter your man” ... Without knowing you’re doing it?

Understanding in relationships can be quite challenging. There are times when a woman, wanting to get her point across to a man, will come off as nagging, complaining and hard to please. A man likes to win. He likes to make his woman happy. He usually won’t stay with a woman who tells him what to do. Consider for a moment, this seemingly innocent scenario: Last week, Rose met a man who said he was very attracted and interested in her. Instead of asking her out on a date or for a cup of coffee, he told her about a business gathering and invited her to come network. Rose turned him down and told him she didn’t like the fact that he invited her to a business matter rather than just asking her out based on the fact that he clearly showed he was interested in her. (Ouch!)

She’s sad because she was really interested in him. She turned him down because she’s tired of men hiding behind business in order to get close to her. This is sad. Sad because the man invited Rose out to get to know her in a safe, non-threatening way. It’s very possible for romance to occur under the guise of a business deal. Sad because Rose didn’t know how to guide the man into romancing her. In her mind, she gave him advice to help him please her. Instead, she neutered him. She didn’t mean to. She just didn’t know.

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Thank you. I spent 24 years trying to please a woman who rarely if ever let me know I had succeeded at it. Whatever I did, there was ALWAYS something wrong with it. Even when I managed to get something done on her to-do list that she admitted was important to her, she's tell me she was mad at me because I hadn't gotten it done before. I was ALWAYS portrayed as some kind of offender. Maybe I tried too hard. I couldn't ever get her respect, so I tried to please, and so I was the little boy she REALLY didn't respect. You cannot treat a man that way and expect him to trust you enough to be able to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable. An adversary is not a partner, a lover, friend, wife. If I can't relax and know you love and respect me and will only use your knowledge of me in a positive, loving way, I don't want to share a house with you. The kids are grown. We're done now. Since then I had a love affair with a positive woman. Over, but still friends. Good friends.
06.10.2008
Daniel
Cherry, it's refreshing to read an article written by a woman who is NOT bashing a man, be they husbands, boyfriends, dates or wannabes. Your point regarding emotional castration is not only valid, but in my experience happens to a majority of men trying to get to know a new woman better, and under comfortable, secure circumstances. This is not to say that there aren't piggish men...there most certainly are, unfortunately. I maintain that most men try very hard to make a new woman feel comfortable the first time or two they are together. I will be castigated by many women for what I'm about to say, but nonetheless, here goes. American women (I know...I've traveled and/or lived in a number of countries during my life) are the most difficult, overall, to date. They believe they are entitled to it all, plus change. They want more, they demand more, and they are increasingly becoming less warm and nurturing. I'm not angry, just not interested in dating them. Love to know your take.
It feels good to write.

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