I am beginning to believe men and women come from different planets. One concept in particular that women and men seem to view differently is “love” and what it’s all about. A dear friend of mine recently had a painful break up. She is fast approaching fifty. The man in her life was close to the same age. All he talked about was finding that special someone, a good woman he could share his life with, someone who was loving and kind. Another friend and I introduced this couple. There were immediate sparks between the two.
We all felt things were moving so fast on his end, so fast that things would either continue on with the heat of passion or burn themselves out quickly. This guy found out all her favorite things, text messaged, called, e-mailed, wined and dined her, and wooed her like nobody’s business. He had promised her a vacation in Mexico, a romantic getaway for her birthday, introduced her to everyone stating she would be around for a while. After text messaging “I love you” on her phone, he proceeded to break up with her two days later, stating he could not see their relationship as “long term.”
What does that mean? He had done all the tricks and romantic gestures he could think of, so there was nothing left to do. He could not pace himself and make every moment special by them just being together and felt that, since he could no longer be spontaneous, it was over. Aside from his excuse of seeing no long-term relationship, he threw in the fact that she had no prowess in the kitchen. He was an excellent cook, so why couldn’t they work together in the kitchen or he just accept the fact we are all different with different talents and abilities? Variety is the spice of life.
In the course of a week or so, it became apparent this man was seeing another woman. My friend, a lovely, caring person, was beating herself up wondering what she had done wrong. Rather than have the courage to tell her he didn’t want a mutually exclusive relationship or had met someone else, he put the blame on my friend focusing on her faults and shortcomings.
Am I the only one who believes that you should not say “I love you” unless you truly mean it? Are those only words and just a tool some people use to get what they want or because they sound good? There is “lust” at first sight and people can feel an instant connection, but love is a mature emotion that grows in time. Loving someone is being there for them during the worst of times, as well as the best of times. When something gets a little complicated or difficult, that’s when a loving and sincere person is there.
My friend has felt terribly down lately. I believe one thing that has triggered all these emotions is a recent death of a teenage boy in her community. After a candlelight vigil, she has had a flood of emotions. She is grieving for so many reasons. She also feels alone and betrayed. I have tried to console her, telling her not to waste any emotions on this guy. I know it’s easier said than done. At some point in time, we all have been “dumped.” It is not pleasant, it is painful, and it takes time to heal. Thank goodness she has the support of her daughters and close friends.
As we get older, we also find it is so hard to find someone we are compatible with. People have agendas, are more set in their ways, and have more issues going on in their life. People want perfection, which does not exist. People are not perfect, but there are people that are perfect for one another.
I have told my friend not to give up on love, that there is someone out there for everyone. I met and married my husband, the love of my life. To get to this happy place in my life, it took some trials and tribulations in the dating world, as well as a divorce.
