My roommate, Anya, is interested in dating again and has had a few dates. I marvel at the stories she has and the questions she asks. You see, she’s been out of the dating circuit too because she was married for eighteen years. Her divorce was even more amicable than mine was but she is not interested in all work, school, and no play. She wants to date. I admire her.
She is a forty-year-old Hispanic female who could easily pass for late 20s. I told her she was here to help me with outreach to the Spanish-speaking community. She would be there to translate my speeches and seminars. Man, I thought she would pass out at the thought! I convinced her that she could do it. You see, I convinced her to go to college and pursue her dream of becoming a registered nurse.
Anya had a blind date a couple of weekends ago. It was her first ever. “Rick,” whom Anya met at a karaoke club, arranged a double date with his girlfriend, her and “Joe.” Rick who arranged the date spoke highly of Joe and she agreed since there would be two couples having dinner. Anya came home rather early after the date. She shared with me that Joe was a no-show and so was Rick’s girlfriend. I immediately saw red flags. I told her Rick was her blind date. She did not believe me. I told her to ask him. Now that they have been out, he will probably admit it.
Well guess what, he confessed. I thought this was both clever and deceptive of Rick. I also found humor in the situation. She had shared things about Rick and would never have agreed to go out with him, which Rick knew. He is a womanizer and apparently, very immature to be forty-something, close to fifty. During their date, he ordered drinks after she had shared with him she did not want another. He told her they were on the house. She asked him if she should confirm that with their server and he admitted they were not on the house.
I did not find humor in this ploy and neither did Anya. He wanted her incapacitated so that he could have the advantage. I am out of touch with the dating scene but common decency, respect, character, and chivalry (to name a few) are never outdated. It’s a different world these days.
There are a few lessons to be learned from what I have shared. Everyone, especially our kids, should be aware of deception and know how to handle negative situations should they arise. Here are seven tips to remember:
1. Do not become desperate for a mate. You are likely to miss the obvious and compromise your values.
2. Do not allow others to manipulate you and when they do, call them on it. You may be instrumental in ending this irresponsible behavior.
3. Know your alcoholic consumption limit and stick to it, even if it is “complimentary.” You want to always be in control of your mind and body. You can always drink nonalcoholic beverages on first dates.
4. Learn to recognize red flags. Some are subtle others are blatant. Even if you were wrong, you could change your course of action, if you want.
5. Stick to your guns about not going out with someone who has unfavorable traits. If they are corrected, you can always reconsider.
6. When in doubt, “don’t” or “do.” Select whatever is appropriate for the situation. Don’t say yes when you mean no. Do take your gut feelings seriously.
7. Confide in someone about your prospects. Others can be more objective from their vantage point. Parents are “old fogies” for apparent reasons. (Pun intended.)
Rick has finally given up on Anya. After she refused to return his calls, he sent her a text message saying, “Thanks for the dances. I won’t bother you any more.” They would dance together at the karaoke bar. Now I ask you, “Have you danced with wolves before?” If so, these tips may help put an end to it. If not, there are no good reasons to start now. Happy dating!
