I see tons and tons of mistakes that women make, but I have a few specific ones that seem to be common with our gender.
1. Being Clingy
I don’t care if you are a dead ringer for Kristy Brinkley and have an outstanding personality; you aren’t getting anywhere with a guy if you are clingy. The fascinating thing about this is most women don’t even realize they are clingy. There are many ways to be clingy, but I’ve listed the most common below:
Telephone. Your guy should be calling you at least twice as many times as you call him. If he is supposed to call you at 5 don’t pick up the phone at 5:02 when you haven’t heard from him. If this is completely out of character for him and you are afraid something may be wrong, you can call him in an hour. This rule is especially important in the beginning of a relationship. Let him be the one to call you and make plans. Don’t call him everyday, and always have a good reason to call him (don’t try to make one up- you will sound so very lame). Also be sure to hang up with him before the convo goes stale. Oh, and when he calls you let it go to voicemail once in a while!
Personal Displays of Affection. Let holding hands and kisses come naturally when you are out in public. Some guys are not comfortable with this at all and will be turned off if you force PDA. At the beginning of the relationship always let him make the first move so you can scope out his level of comfort. As you get more involved, you may reach out for his hand first ONCE IN A WHILE.
Dropping By. Never ever just drop by a guy’s place uninvited (even if you are really just in the neighborhood).
2. Always Saying Yes
At the start of a relationship, be sure not to seem too available. Keep up your other friendships and go out with your friends once in a while. Never cancel previously made plans to go out with a guy you like. Simply say, “I’m sorry, I already made plans that evening, can we do it another night.” Also have a deadline of when you will accept a date for the weekend. Mine was always Wednesday night. If a guy called me after Wednesday to make plans for the weekend, I always said no (even if I wanted to and had nothing else to do). Guys like to know that you have your own hobbies and life. They get very nervous when they think they are solely responsible for entertaining you all of the time.
3. Hopping into the Sack too Soon
Men love sex and they will undoubtedly try to get some from you, but that doesn’t mean they want you to say yes. Confusing, I know, but the type of women men want to settle down with are the type of women who are picky about being intimate. Everyone can think of a situation where they or someone they know has been dumped soon after starting a sexual relationship with a guy.
The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. Give yourselves plenty of time to get to know each other before you have sex. When the guy is head over heals for you before you make love it will only deepen and strengthen your relationship, not tear it apart.
It is also much easier for a woman to walk from a relationship if she has not been intimate with a man. If it doesn’t end up working out and you have never had sex, no problem, just move on. No emotional attachment, no strings attached, and no notches in your bedpost.
The “right time” is different for everyone, so do a little soul searching and figure out what is right for you. Figure out what guidelines are right for you before you enter a new relationship and stick to them no matter what. Let’s practice saying no together: “Do you want dessert?” “No.” “Do you want fries with that?” “No.” “Do you want to have sex with me tonight?” “No.” Good job.
I tend to be conservative about sex, but my general guidelines are listed below:
- Wait until you are married. These people tend to have the best marriages. If you have already had sex but wish you could go back then become a “born again virgin.” Just tell your future dates that you are mature now and realize the significance of sex. If they don’t respect your celibacy then you don’t need to be with them anyway, so move on.
- Never ever have sex before you are twenty years old. The teenage years are stressful enough without having to deal with the pressures of having sex. When you are finally twenty you may realize you want to wait until marriage. At least give yourself the option. Once you’re twenty if you still want to have sex, go ahead, if you have been in a loving, committed relationship for a year.
- Never have sex under any circumstance if you are not in love, the person is not in love with you, and both have not communicated this love and say “I love you on a regular basis.”
- Wait at least six months from the date you became and exclusive item (not from your first date) before taking the plunge at any age.
The best recommendation I have for all the topics above is to plan ahead. Your guidelines may be different than the ones I suggest, but no matter what they are set them in advance and stick to them. It is much easier to refuse a date for Saturday night when a guy calls you on Thursday if you have set guidelines. It is also much easier to decide in advance you don’t want to have sex than to wait until the heat of the moment. We all get excited sometimes in new relationships, and it is hard not to go overboard at times. Just stay true to the guidelines you set for yourself when you had a clear mind before Romeo came into your life!
Brandi Hamrick, Life Coach