We’ve been there, we are there, or we could go there and fall in love with his/her potential. Please heed my warning, “Look out girlfriend!”
The tricky bit about this challenge is that we all have great potential. Some people realize only a small bit of their potential, some people realize a good deal of it, and some people are actualizing most or all of their potential. We are all capable of greatness. This truth lies latent in all of us.
We may have the awareness, and we are right, that a guy could really show up beautifully in the world if he would make manifest his potential. We may see that he is very bright but maybe he doesn’t use his gift to his or other’s avail. Maybe he is physically beautiful but is arrogant and conceited about it. He may talk in a convincing way about how much he wants love in his life and even how much he loves you, but treats you and others in an unloving manner. Maybe he talks about making it big financially but takes little or no action. Maybe he says you are special but he is a recalcitrant flirt. He might be an addict who says he can control his addiction(s), but clearly doesn’t have a handle on it. He may talk about the importance of spirituality or God in his life, but he lacks the earmarks of someone on a serious spiritual path such as kindness, compassion, and generosity of spirit.
Women are often helpers and support people in this world. In fact, many of us are in the helping professions. We may get a buzz or a high from helping others. However, if we choose a partner because he is “our project” or our goal is to help him manifest his potential, we may end up with a man that may choose never to actualize themselves. Self-actualization may be important to you, but it may or may not be important to them! Our good faith attempts to help this person may end up being disempowering for him and just plain exhausting for us!
Of course, most of us are not enlightened masters and we are in relationships with others, in part, that we might learn to become all that we can be. We are here to help each other actualize. But if the man we have our eye on is stuck in some nasty behavior and seems contented to stay in that place over a substantial period of time, (coaching tip: listen to the actions not the words) do we really want to fall in love with his potential?
We may want to seek a partner that is already at cause in their life, not a perfect person, but someone who is really trying as we are. If you are dating someone who you know “deep down” is a good person except that ______ (insert unpleasant behavior here) try to imagine how you might negotiate that undesirable trait five, ten, or twenty years down the road. If we already are in a partnership, perhaps that is a different story, but if we are contemplating starting a relationship with someone, we may be able to dodge a bullet!
