I am sitting on USAIR flight 614 from Phoenix to Atlanta and if the attractive thirty-ish woman sitting next to me in 20B reads this I will have some ’splaining to do. In fact I’m typing it in eight point font because that’s the smallest font on my laptop. I’m banking on the fact that she can’t see my screen very well from her position or that she, quite frankly, has no interest in my activities. Most likely it’s the latter based on her body language. She hasn’t lifted her eyes from her book in almost seventy-five minutes and, c’mon, nobody can read for that long!
Anyway, I’ve never been a good pick-up artist (I know that phrase sounds so Robert Downey Jr. but they haven’t come up with a better one since 1987). I’m a good conversationalist, have a decent sense of humor, and can even be okay looking on a good hair day. But having “game” and the ability to break the ice with women has always been a skill at which I could have worked harder, and garnered better results.
I’m thinking about this now because, as much as I’ve traveled, the one thing that has always fascinated me is how rarely I’ve found myself seated next to a good-looking woman on an airplane. The ultimate P.P.G.—Pick-up Proving Ground. Friends of mine tell me stories all the time of striking up conversations with horny pharmaceutical sales babes, tipsy bachelorette weekend attendees, and even good-looking stews (okay, flight attendants) dead-heading to their next shift (or whatever they call them) and hooking up later that evening for some blah blah blah. Where were all these women for the thirty years I travelled before getting married?
I haven’t sat next to a smoking hot woman on a plane since, well, since smoking was actually legal on planes.
For the record, my luck getting seated next to a good-looking woman doesn’t just stop at airplanes, though. It’s a lifetime affliction. I’m the kind of guy who could go to a Hooters and end up being waited on by the one dude who took the job so he could test their hiring policies and get on CNN.
But alas, it wouldn’t matter anyhow because, as I said, I have no game. And that’s just pathetic. It’s unacceptable that an adult such as myself can’t find something on an airplane to initiate dialogue with another human being … attractive or otherwise.
