The world is filled with intelligent, kind, compassionate women. It’s crazy that so many get stuck in a relationship rut with the wrong man. I get it—I’ve been there! We’re smart ladies, and I think deep down every woman knows when the guy she’s with is just not the right guy, whether she admits it to anyone or not! The problem is, many stay in toxic relationships just to bide time in the comfort zone, waiting for Mr. Fantastic to come along and carry them off into wedded bliss. I call this the “Life Preserver” phenomenon.
Look, if you were on a boat, and there wasn’t a life preserver available, but the boat was going down (sinking), you would jump, right? You would try to swim and you’d figure it out. You wouldn’t sit on a sinking boat, and let yourself go under! The natural response would be to try to save yourself. Yet, you may be like so many other women—your relationship is sinking, but you stay in it with one eye wandering looking for a “life preserver.” Meanwhile you begin to drown in the negativity of the unhealthy relationship. Trust me, I understand! I lived this way once, and finally decided I was worth more. I was strong enough to set standards for behaviors I tolerated from myself and others. I’ve helped many clients do this, and I know you can, too.
Repeat after me, say it out loud: “I don’t need a life preserver before I jump ship!”
I believe every one of us is complete, perfect, and capable as we are today. Unlike Jerry McGuire’s famous last words, we don’t need someone to make us complete (although it is nice to hear!). What we do need is to feel loved; the right partner complements us, adds something special to our lives, communicates, compromises, keeps us smiling from the inside-out, and we do the same for our partner. I can’t tell you how many clients have said, “I don’t even recognize myself when I’m with him,” or “We fight all the time,” or even this one, “I don’t trust him.” If you’re in a relationship that you know isn’t allowing you (or your partner) to be the best version of yourselves possible, here are four tips to get you jumping ship:
Love Yourself First
It sounds cliché, but if you don’t love you, who will love you? The wrong guy will, that’s who! See, when we are not confident, we just are not our best selves. You’ve got to be your best friend, and love the woman you are today. When we’re in relationships that are toxic, we tend to blame ourselves, and pick ourselves apart. How crazy is that? Listen, each of us is exactly who we are meant to be. Be proud of every bit of who you are, and then you can nurture yourself well.
The way we see ourselves is the way the world sees us. It just makes sense to think good thoughts about yourself. For example, if you walk into a party and think, “My butt looks big in this, no one will talk to me,” then the signal you’re transmitting is that you want to be left alone. Instead, love your curves, love who you are, and think, “I look marvelous, and I will meet many new people tonight!” I guarantee you’ll spend the night chatting away, and feeling great!
Make Space
If your closet is too full to fit another pair of shoes, why shop for more?
Translation: If your life is jam packed and you are always out with the wrong man, you are sending a “taken” signal to the world whether you know it or not. Keeping your options open with eyes wandering while “filling” your dating schedule to avoid being alone, will surely leave you wanting for more! By making space, and taking a course in YOU, you will not only get to know yourself better, but you will also learn that you are too fabulous to settle for someone who doesn’t meet your needs.
