Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier, and smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.
Yes, a man may appreciate your doing things for him. He might appreciate your taking care of making plans, and he might appreciate your making things easier for him by picking the restaurant or the event and telling him about it—but it won’t make him fall in love with you. As a matter of fact, these kinds of things just make a man want to withdraw and get distant, or see you as just a friend and not a lover.
Love isn’t a reasonable emotion and being “nice” and “understanding” and “a good sport” won’t get you where you want to go. Here are some ways that will:
Tip#1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you.
Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.
Most of us only know how to give. We give for lots of reasons because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a man’s heart (it isn’t) because we see other women do it, and because deep down it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.
A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.
Read more examples of mistakes women make that push men away.
Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.
Being exclusive and sexually monogamous with a man without a “forever” commitment from him puts us in a tough place emotionally. We become totally, emotionally invested in him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.
If you’re seeing a man without a real commitment, then every time you see him, it’s still just a date in his mind. It’s not a relationship. Therefore, whether it’s the hundredth time you’re seeing him or the thousandth time, you have to see it the way he sees it—still just dating. When you can think of it in these terms, it’s easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!
When this happens he’ll feel so much more inspired and compelled to commit to you in order to get you to commit to him. Keep reading here to discover what a man really wants from a woman.
Tip#3: Don’t give him gifts, make him dinner or pay for dates.
Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.” The moment you pay for something you turn into a “friend.”
A date is about romance. It’s not about companionship or friendship. And it’s not about sex, either. It’s about building a romantic relationship step-by-step through dating. In order for romance to happen or even get started, a man has to feel like a man.
