I have listened for years to many of my unmarried friends when they have had boyfriend problems. Because I spent a good deal of my adult life unmarried, I certainly understand a lot of the issues they face. What I fail to understand is the interpretive “hearing problems” that these otherwise very bright gals seem to have.
When a man used to tell me, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” I understood that to mean that he was not looking for a relationship. It was then up to me to continue seeing him or not. Some of my women friends seem to interpret this type of comment quite differently. They will tell me that he means, “he’s just afraid of falling for me because he’s been hurt before.” No, that is not what he means. He means he’s not looking for a relationship. He may be looking for a pal to go golfing with, someone to shoot pool with, or someone to get into bed with (no strings attached). Yes or no. Do it or don’t. But understand that he is really telling you how he feels.
If a man tells you he does not want to get married, guess what? He’s not saying that to protect himself from being hurt. The guy is saying that because he does not want to get married. Men are much more literal than women. You really don’t need to “interpret” his words. Most men usually say what they mean and mean what they say.
I had a friend who married a man who told her in advance that he did not want children. No sooner had they come back from their honeymoon when she began a campaign to convince him that having a child meant the world to her. Sadly, in the end, they divorced. He did not want children and was not going to change his mind on the subject. When a man tells you he does not love you, it hurts. It probably even hurt him to say it. But don’t kid yourself by saying “but what he really means is ... ” No Dear. What he really means is that he does not love you. I think we can spare ourselves a lot of heartache by really listening to the words and forgetting the interpretations.
