I came from a generation of Facebook, MySpace, and Friendster ... it’s so easy to get updated up to the second what your friends are doing from across the street to the other side of the world. It’s cheap, it’s easy and it’s fun ... you can even check who’s dating who and secretly sneak in your ex-boyfriend’s profile and see his currently girlfriend so you can gloat on how much cuter you are! Also, saves you the hassle of recruiting your buds to spy on your ex when you can do it yourself. With all the anonymity, it’s also become second nature for me to check out other people online. If I like them, then I could give them a smile, a nudge or an email ... if they like my profile, then they can email me back. If I don’t hear from them ... then who cares?
There was a time when my boyfriend just broke up with me and I was a little bit heartbroken (and perhaps lonely) so I decided to look into online dating just to get myself out there. I’ve tried MySpace first ... I know it’s not a dating site but most of the people I know don’t have an account so I thought it would have been a great place to be anonymous and yet still communicate with people (plus, all the attention I was really good for my ego). I then moved on and tried online dating sites ... although I highly recommend to practice necessary precautions such as do NOT put your full name, contact number or address in your public profile. I have met a couple of guys that I have corresponded with online and always in a public place with a friend knowing where my exact locations is.
I realized right away that most of these men are just online to get a quick fix ... that is, if somebody would take the bait. I’m sure there were men who are genuinely trying to meet new people and perhaps have a relationship out of it but most of the time these men are trying to get laid. So you really, really need to first get to know that person online, then perhaps progress with chatting, then if you feel comfortable with him, then you can exchange numbers and so forth ...
It’s very easy to filter out those who are sincere from those who just want the bootie ... for one, they don’t have the generic message they keep repeating over and over again. I swear, there was this guy who keeps on sending the same message which makes me wonder how many women he has sent it to. Here’s an example of that kind of message....
“Hi there,
you are really pretty. i hope to know you more. maybe we can chat sometime when you have the time.
thxs and god bless,
gary”
See, if the guy was a bit little more sincere, then he would have looked into my profile and asked me questions about the travels that I’ve made or something about my job. Also, I would advise to steer clear from men who talk about themselves more than asking about you ...
“Dear xxxxxx,
I am older but I am charming and like adventure. I hiked Dana Mountain 14,ooo feet and then hiked the Sierra Mountain High Wilderness Trail the next day. A reporter for the New York Times interviewed me because I had a little charm I think. She used me for her lead paragraph for the NY Times. It also proves I was a Boy Scout in good standing years ago (You should seriously consider marriage to a past Boy Scout to insure good character). The article is at, J--- G---, New York Times, “Escapes”, Yosemite. Please do not read much past the first paragraph where I am a hero. Please do not read where I said I walked down the mountains “like a duck”. The Yosemite Park service links this story from their web site.”
Well, this guy who emailed me was sixty-seven years old ... WAAAAAAY too old for a 26 year old but he doesn’t seem to mind the age difference. Obviously, these men are after “mail order brides” and tend to look for women in third world countries and lure them to live in houses with “air-conditioning” (I’m rolling my eyes as I type this) only to become their house slaves or become their nurses when they’re really old ... Okay, I may be exaggerating but it does happen. So I tend to ignore these men ... this guy by the way I ended up reporting to the website. It’s perfectly fine if you report somebody if they have become abusive or too persistent. It’s NOT okay to bully you, not even online!
I have dated five men I’ve met online and four out of five turned out to be less romantic than I first thought. The first time I met a guy online, I suggested to get coffee from Starbucks and we talked for probably an hour...to be honest, he was really cute but there was no chemistry. However, he seemed nice so I was hoping we would have a second date. I even tried to drop him an email just in case he had forgotten about me...but alas, he already had.
The other few dates that I had were similar to the first one ... they were nice and generally respectful but I suspect I wasn’t the only one they were seeing. So if this happens, then I suggest you move on and keep in mind that he’s NOT into you or else he would be calling you for a second date! However, I suspect that they were a bit frustrated with me since I wasn’t the type to go all the way in just a few dates. (Remember, if they don’t respect you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect yourself!)
After these dead-end dates and more emails from creepy old men, I was about to give up online dating, thinking that those success stories would come once in a blue moon. But then I met a guy online who straight up said that he admired me for being a medical student. I was intrigued ... he didn’t mention about looks or about dating so we talked about school life and he also shared his experiences. It later progressed from emails to chat sessions to phone calls. When I was convinced that he wasn’t a serial killer (after I did my homework ... I Googled him, of course!) I was confident that I could meet him in person. We were soon in a steady relationship and even forgot how we met! (I still have his first few emails ... just to remind him how sweet he was!).
So is it possible to have a success story? With a little luck and determination, I think so. After all, we are getting married.