If you look at a first date as if it’s an adventure, then they can be pretty awesome. You never know what you’re getting yourself into—it could end up being the story you tell your future kids when they ask, “How did you and Mommy/Daddy meet?” or it could be like ramming your head against a table fifty times. You never know until it’s over and that’s why it’s kind of fun in a gambling way.
One thing that always remains true about first dates … you probably should play things safe. That means you not only should avoid getting into political debates but you also should watch the foods you eat. You don’t need to end up in the bathroom for a half hour while the person you really like sits at the table and flirts with the waiting staff.
So to help you out, here’s a list of the top five foods you should NEVER eat on a first date.
5. Indian
There is a reason Orbit doesn’t make curry flavored gum. If that isn’t enough to convince you, think back to Ben Stiller’s epic bowel dysfunction in the movie Along Came Polly. Is it a hilarious and memorable scene? Yes! Is it romantic, charming, and the key to a second date? Absolutely not.
4. Fast Food
Most likely, you’re not eating fast food as your main dinner but there’s always those times when the first date has gone well and the two of you are out all night. You both decide to extend the date a little bit longer and grab some late night grub. Bad idea. If the dates going that smooth then there’s a good chance the two of you could be getting frisky later on. We’re all too familiar with the damages a Burger King Whopper can have on your digestive system. Say you’re not hungry and pass on the fast food.
3. Allergy Stimulating Foods
The last thing you want to deal with is an allergic reaction. Hives, rashes, swelling, choking, fevers … all things you want to avoid when making a first impression. Think Will Smith in the movie Hitch. You don’t want to gaze into a mirror only to find that your lips and ears are four times larger than they were when you left the house. Kapeesh?
2. Food You Have Never Tried Before
First dates are not the time for you to start experimenting with new food groups. While your date’s sitting there preaching about how amazing the meal is, you don’t want to be sitting there deciding if you should swallow and risk puking or spit it all out and risk your date puking.
You’re better off staying in the safe realm of familiar foods—be it a chicken salad or a an all American hamburger—it’s better to be juvenile than to have your chewed up and spit out food all over the table.
1. Beans
Remember that old song you probably learned when you were ten or eleven? It goes something like this:
“Beans, beans the magical fruit … the more you eat the more you toot”
Blah blah blah the rest of the song doesn’t matter. That’s all you need to know.
Originally published on Leftos
