I have a story about being single again at forty for the first time since being a teenager. I started dating my ex at nineteen, married at twenty-two, had our son at twenty-five, and was single again at thirty-nine. My ex had moved on (that’s a whole other story which I won’t share because I’m happy to report that him and I get along great now). After 10 months of being single (ok, yes, I was rushing things, but I hadn’t been single since I was a teenager and I hadn’t learned to appreciate my freedom and independence yet), I decided to try online dating.
Now, there is still somewhat of a stigma about online dating, but the truth is I was working at a nursing home so the men I was around tended to be eighty with dementia. When I wasn’t working, I spent my time with my son, my other family, or my girlfriends. My girlfriends mostly all being married with kids and none of us are the bar hopping types anyway (that being put behind us in our younger, wilder days). Also, I’m a genuine ‘Bible thumping, Conservative, Born Again Christian’ (which is probably enough not to get me published in a magazine which tends to interview people fond of NPR and Hillary Rodham Clinton). Gasp, I am more of a Sarah Palin kind of girl, but I digress.
Never one with a whole lot of self-confidence I decide to do this online dating secretly. That way when I don’t have a single response, no one but me has to know of my shame and rejection. So, I get home from work, don my red flannel PJs (why oh why can’t flannel PJs be worn everywhere), and find an online dating site to try. I fill out my profile and under hobbies I put a single thing: Bible Study. I figure this alone will weed out those less … shall we say Biblically oriented, right? I log off and figure I’ll check the next day and when I have not a single guy interested I’ll delete the whole thing and no one will be the wiser. Maybe I’ll even convert from Protestantism to being Catholic and join a convent.
The next day after work I log on, my blood pressure probably approaching stroke level, to face my shame and my rejection, but low and behold, miracles do happen (I told you I’m a genuine Born Again Christian). I have a lot of responses. Now, keep in mind, I’ve found that when I do not humble myself (because at this point I’m like well check me out, watch out Beyonce you’ve got some competition), the Lord will humble me just to get me back in line where I should be. I start checking out some of these men. To say it is slim pickings for us single women of a certain age would be a major understatement. I’m not one to judge appearances so that’s not what I’m referring to, but some of these men … really? What are you thinking guys? One guy e-mails me his phone number and demands that I call him because and I quote, “ I can’t be bothered with this online sh*t.” Another guy in response to my putting my personality type as “ shy” (ok, to all my girlfriends, stop laughing now because I am shy with men I don’t know), says “You need to get over that shyness crap.” By this time I’m thinking three things 1) Help me Jesus 2) No way would I go out with either of these men as I’m already terrified of them (‘It puts the lotion on its skin’) and 3) What is it with men and this fascination with bodily functions. I don’t require poetic literature, but come on. But my personal favorite is the obviously classy, eloquent, noble soul who when I go to his profile has down as his hobby: sex. Now, if there are any men reading this thinking of online dating let me help you out. We already know guys are in to sex. It’s a given. You might want to refer to a different hobby. Also, if a woman’s hobby is Bible study being out there with the whole sex thing is well … ewwwww, puh-lease!
