I’ve decided to share my story so others can maybe learn from my experience. I was married to a man who appeared to me and to most people that knew him to be kind, loving, shy, faithful and most of all honest. That supposively kind, loving, shy, faithful, honest man turned out to be my life’s biggest nightmare.
He is not at all what you would say “good-looking,” but then I believed that looks were not as important as having good feelings. He is originally from Lima, Peru and moved with his family to the United States in 1991. I met him and his family in 1994 in the Mormon Church (By the way I am no longer a member of that faith). Both his family and mine became friends and visited each other. At that time I was in my early twenties and he said he was in his mid-thirties. We went out on a date once, and he never asked me out after that. Five years later, I met him again in a single's church meeting. After that we started dating. By that time he told me he was pretty down because his mother had past away from cancer some years before. We dated for about 8 months and then married in the year 2000. About a couple of months in the marriage the nightmare began. First he got laid-off from his job and immediately after that he kept making-up excuses for not finding another job. One of his most manipulating excuses for not finding a job was due to his immigration status. He never mentioned to me anything about his immigration status before we got married. I presumed that because he was well-educated, and was even attending San Jose State University for his Master's in Economics, that he had his permanent residency already established. Well no. It turned out that he only had a work visa, and he was trying to get permanent residency through political asylum. He convinced me to sponsor him through my U.S. citizenship to get his permanent residency or what is known as a “Green Card.” He told me that would make it easier for him to get a better job, and that things would be better for us economically. So I went ahead and filed all the necessary paper work. I'll regret that day for the rest of my life.
After that his behavior towards me started to change. Due to my then strong religious convictions I had never had sex before marriage. Yes, I was a virgin when I got married. So you can say I was not experienced in that field. The honeymoon was really special for me and I was under the impression that he had no sexual problems. I later found some blue pills known as Viagra, hidden in the kitchen. It also dawned on me after, that was the reason he could never get aroused when I touched him. Life was so humiliating from that moment on because every time I wanted to make love he would get so upset and angry. I found myself asking for sex and he would turn me down. He even called me a “whore” once for asking. I turned over to the Mormon Bishop several times for advice and basically I was told that because we were married in “The Temple” that I was responsible as the wife to be understanding and patient. My life was pure hell after that. He started to be abusive physically and emotionally with me. Again every time I consulted the Mormon Bishop about this I was told that divorce was out of the question because it was a “Temple Marriage.” I also found out later by his own sister, that he had killed someone in Peru. That because his father had political connections there, he was able to get a visa to the United States.
Honestly, I truly believe that I was so brain-washed by that religion, that I withstood three horrible years of manipulation and abuse believing that things were going to get better. In the month of May of 2003, he finally got his Permanent Residency and got his Master's from San Jose State. Two weeks after that he asked me for a divorce. Finally the show he put on was over. I felt relived in a sense, but very angry at the same time. I immediately filed for an annulment of marriage. Stating that the marriage was based n fraud. I had no idea what I was in for.
I also contacted the INS and informed them about everything. They told me they were going to investigate the case but I have not heard from them till this day.
