I’m a fan of online dating, mostly because its convenience but also because the dating pool in my town is down to a small puddle. I met one guy on a site that I had a connection with, albeit a small one, that made me seriously consider going into a nunnery. He billed himself as “a sweet guy and a gentleman, highly educated, and worldly.” Needless to say, he fell seriously short.
On our first date, we decided to get take-and-bake pizza and a movie. Sounded like a good idea. We get it all back to his place and I ended up having to pack it all in. Real gentlemanly. Get the pizza in the oven and something in the oven starts smoking. He freaks out. I have to end up getting him calmed down enough to tell him to open the oven and pull out the pizza then turn the oven off. We get that figured out and now he thinks I’m just the cat’s meow ’cause I knew what to do. (Hello … common sense.)
Dinner is going well after that, pleasant conversation and really good pizza. Then it turns. He starts crying (literally, tears and all) because he started talking about his late grandmother. Not a good thing to do on a first date. Save that for a few dates down the road. I do the obligatory consoling and turn things to a cheerier subject.
After dinner, we pop in the movie and we settle in on the couch. He kisses me once then won’t stop, he mauls me like a hormone-crazed teenager during the movie he highly recommended I watch. After politely pushing him away several times, he finally mellowed out. I thought, great, he’s chilled out a bit. WRONG! I’m too tired to drive home (I live an hour and a half away) so he says I can crash there (should have just gotten a five hour energy and gone home). Things proceed to the bedroom where it just went down hill. He continued to maul me. He humped my leg and came … twice—not joking!
The next morning, I chalked it all up to nerves on his part and my high standards in the bedroom. My last boyfriend could turn my whole body into jello and this guy wasn’t turning anything to jello, except maybe that jiggly dessert itself.
We parted ways and I spent the rest of the day reflecting on the night and wondering what in the hell I was thinking and vowing to learn to say “no” and not be so nice that I end up in those positions.
