Last summer, I was at a large camp in the foothills of the Sierras. A woman came up to me and asked what I was doing. Seeing as it was night and I had my head thrown back staring at the sky, I thought it was obvious—I was looking at the stars. But I let the comment pass.
I explained that about a month before I had seen high desert stars for the first time and was in awe. But before I could get another word out, the woman was telling me how the best stars actually are in the Mojave. On and on she went. My experience was unimportant.
In dating parlance, this is what’s known as a red flag. In modern history, red flags have been used to signal a coming battle, a flood, and communism. Today we refer to a red flag as a signal to stay away from a person, especially a date.
Some red flags are obvious: your date would invite you in for coffee, but he doesn’t want to wake his mother. Your date would be happy to go to the movies if she could just find a sitter for her octuplets. Other red flags are more subtle, like a woman sharing her story of looking at the stars, but not letting you get a word in edgewise.
There are a few dating red flags that, if spotted, can save you a lot of wasted time.
1. “But enough about me, let’s talk about your experience of me.”
I don’t care how fascinating your date’s life story is. I don’t care if Brad Pitt taught him to fly fish and Antonio Banderas taught him to play flamenco guitar, if he’s not asking you questions about you, that’s a red flag.
Here’s why: if you’re on your very first date and he’s not asking about you, that’s never going to change, not in one year, not in ten years.
If you don’t recognize this flag and you go out on a second and a third date, he’s going to think you’re okay with that dynamic. He’s going to think you’re agreeing that this relationship is all about him.
