For much of my adolescence, I held up Say Anything and its endearing, boombox-wielding protagonist (Lloyd Dobler, sigh) as the pinnacle of what I wanted in relationships. Then I got older and thought about a guy I had just dumped standing outside of window at dawn and playing cheeseball music and suddenly, my dream guy seemed less like an ideal and more like a stalker.
Romantic comedies set unrealistic expectations of relationships and love, but if we look beyond the cinematic surface, what’s revealed are a host of crazy characters whose actions would never fly in real life—or would fly them right into a restraining order.
1. Ted, There’s Something About Mary
He’s supposed to be the quintessential nice guy in this movie, but let’s not forget he hires a private detective to track down a girl he went on a date with thirteen years ago. The girl chooses him in the end, though in reality, she’d probably opt for a bodyguard instead.
2. Duckie, Pretty in Pink
Say the name “Duckie” to any woman old enough to have seen Pretty in Pink and chances are you’ll be met with “Awww!” Duckie’s earnest love for Andie endears him to many, but how many of us want a lovesick guy who spends most nights riding his bike around our houses and breaking into the back office of the record store where we work? Cute on film, but terrifying in real life.
3. Lloyd, Say Anything
Lloyd is one of the most attentive, selfless boyfriends ever, but he also doesn’t know when to take no for an answer. When someone breaks your heart, it’s common to listen to “your songs” on repeat in the privacy of your room. It’s far creepier to play the song you had sex to so loudly and publicly it wakes up the heartbreaker’s dad, too.
3. Christina, The Sweetest Thing
Cameron Diaz goes from stalked (in There’s Something About Mary) to stalker in this movie. Her character, Christina, meets a guy at a club and decides he’s worth pursuing. Being a romantic comedy, this means going on a road trip and showing up uninvited at his brother’s wedding. This movie proves that desperation doesn’t look hot on anybody, even Ms. Diaz.
