Many couples feel that marriage is not necessary for happiness and long-term commitment. Fifteen women give us their ideas about what marriage means and why they don’t need it to be happy in their relationships.
“Both of us have had bad marriages and divorces. When we got together, it wasn’t supposed to be a forever thing. Now I realize if I had married him to begin with, I wouldn’t be so against marriage, but we are happy the way things are and neither of us want that to change.”—Suzanne Alicie, Charlottesville, Va.
“We didn’t get married for a number of reasons: the timing was never right, we were never sure of each other, we were always more focused on just ourselves instead of each other, we weren’t sure if we were always right for the other. We were the complete opposites, we were like oil and water in the relationship, and we fought all the time, but we loved each other unconditionally.”—Diana Bean, Rogers, Ark.
“I just don’t see the point in getting a piece of paper to ‘complete’ our relationship. We have been together for fifteen years and we feel married. We plan to be together forever, but I just don’t see why getting that on paper really matters.”—Shannon McNeal, Newark, N.J.
“To be perfectly honest, not being married but just being together allows me to feel free while still being in a loving and committed relationship. I have always had a fear of commitment and not being married allows me to not feel this fear, while still being with the man I love.”—Sarah Landewski, Lodi, Ohio
“I do not want to feel pressured to change my last name. I know this may sound petty and trivial, but in my family the wife must take her husband’s last name and I do not want this. By simply living together and not marrying I do not have to worry about this.”—Lisa Kelly. Clinton, Iowa
“I don’t want to be burdened with the ‘wife role,’ and by not marrying I feel it helps us retain the equality in our relationship. I fear that marriage could cause him to want me to be a stay-at-home mom, and that is the one thing I have never wanted to be. We do want kids someday, but we both agreed that I could continue to work and I fear marriage would change this.”—Cynthia Gardner, Marion, Ill.
“Marriage would put too much stress on us and our relationship. Things are fine the way they are, so why change this? I fear that things like paying for a wedding would add stress, and since I was just laid off from my job, we do not need anymore stress.”—Lindy Marx, Jodie, W. Va.
“My parents lived together for seventeen years before they got married. During the seventeen years they just lived together, things were great. I remember us always being so happy. Then, four years after getting married, things started to turn sour and a year later they divorced. I fear that marriage would do the same thing to my current relationship of eleven years.”—Erin Jackson, Phoenix, Ariz.
“I do not believe in God, but my boyfriend does. The way things are now, this is not a problem. But if we got married, I feel it would become an issue when it comes to things like marrying in a church, deciding what to teach our children, etc. If we remain unmarried, I do not see this becoming a major problem.”—Matilda French, Buffalo, N.Y.
“Every one of our friends who are married seem incredibly stressed and on edge since they married. I do not want this for Tony and me. We have been together for four years, and we do have the occasional spat, but we are happy and relatively stress-free, and I feel not getting married will keep things this way for us.”—Jessica Manner, Minneapolis, Minn.
