Life as a military spouse is not the easiest life to live. There are so many different circumstances. Well, I’ll tell you a little about mine. We are a family of four. I have two children a male seven years of age and a female eleven years of age. My husband and I are both in our forties. He has deployed overseas in the past, but this time he has deployed and we’re living in two separate states. Most people would say, “Well, what’s the problem? Doesn’t the military relocate families so they can be together?” That’s not always how things work out.
In my case, we own a home and the selling market is very slow. I had to stay behind with the kids that are already settled at home and in school. I’m a very independent woman who grew up in a household of women. I can pretty much get things done on my own and if I can’t, I’m pretty resourceful. It’s pretty hard at times. There’s a connection lost after some time has gone by. It’s hard to have my husband come home and tell him what I need help with in the house. So I find myself doing everything from paying the bills, taking care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, etc. I feel overwhelmed and have no time for myself. I do as much as I can on my own.
I’m not writing about this so people can feel sorry or so that I can be given advice. I’m writing so that people can understand. I would very much like to help other women in the same boat. It’s not easy to be independent and married It only works when your soldier is away. When they return there has to be a sense of balance in the household. He needs to exercise his strengths and we have to exercise ours. We have to meet in the middle somehow and make it all come back together. The most difficult part is the going and coming. In this kind of a relationship, the soldier wants to be part of the family unit even though they are not always present, and if we’re in our mode of independence, this may give them a sense of, “I’m not needed.”
Balance is the key to any relationship and time to yourself is key—even if it’s fifteen minutes. I still struggle with deployments and balance. The difference is now I get to share my story with the world and out there, there may be someone struggling, thinking this is it, it’s over and they may just change their mind when they know they’re not alone.
