One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding.
Do: Assume that something will go wrong. It’s going to happen. Accepting that fact will make your life easier. Our venue got changed the day our invitations were mailed. Fortunately, it was moved to a church across the street. We sent out notes alerting guests to the change and everything went fine. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and it felt good to get that mini-disaster out of the way.
Do: Have an engagement photo session with your photographer. Even if you have no intention of submitting your pics to the local paper, it’s good practice. You’ll get to know your photographer, and you’ll get the hang of those lovey-dovey shots with your spouse-to-be.
Don’t: Put up with crappy sales service from wedding vendors. I decided not to go to one bridesmaid dress store because the lady on the phone was so bitchy to me. I wanted the experience to be as pleasant as possible. (Note: This does not give you carte blanche to be a bridezilla. It means you should patronize companies that make you feel at ease.)
Don’t: Spend money on things for your wedding day because magazines tell you to do so. If you love your perfume, you don’t need to get a special new one for the special day. If white wine is your favorite drink, no need to freak about a signature cocktail.
Do: Have a master guest list with addresses on hand, in hard copy, and online. It will be invaluable when it comes to writing thank you notes. Keep the hard copy in a heavy-duty envelope because you’ll be carrying it around and taking it out again and again. I kept mine with a stash of stationery, stamps, and the little booklet I used to keep track of who gave me what.
Don’t: Worry about matching your thank you note stationery to your invitations unless you must. I’m not sure who came up with the rule that every goddamn thing in a wedding, from the save-the-date cards to the invites to the seating cards to the programs to the stationery, has to match. Maybe it was a crazy person.
Do: Enlist your soon-to-be spouse to pitch in with the thank you notes. He/she will be enjoying the gifts too, right? I ended up writing a brief outline to thank-you-note writing for my fiancé since he wasn’t as used to writing them as I was, but once he got some practice, his were funnier than mine.
Don’t: Just write thank you notes to the people who gave you gifts. If you felt especially moved by your rabbi’s speech or the care the coordinator at your reception location gave you, let them know.
Don’t: Be afraid of bridal magazines. Even if you’re the indie-est indie bride who ever lived, you still need ideas for things like the cake and flowers. Magazines are great for this, even if you think the articles are silly. (I liked Martha Stewart Weddings and InStyle Weddings.)
Do: Periodically cull through your wedding binder and throw away things that are no longer relevant—dress ideas after you’d purchased your gown, honeymoon articles after you’ve already booked the trip. Unless you enjoy scoliosis.
Don’t: Think the Knot is in charge of your life. You are in charge of your life. Also, the Knot thinks you have to order your cake way earlier than you actually do.
