It was a second chance at love but we hit a real bump in the road. We weren’t sure love was enough when integrating four kids from previous marriages, family illnesses, and financial burdens among the undercurrent of fear. It was a fear driven from our own past experiences of our previous marriages being equated with volatility, angst, and failure.
We were friends first. We coached one another through our respective divorces. He was there for me while I dealt with the aftermath of losing my home to a fire. As friends, we spent countless hours just talking over wine and dinners. During one of those dinners I realized somewhere along the way I had fallen in love. This time with someone I had come to know, trust, and believe in. And the feeling was mutual.
But after a year and a half we weren’t sure we could do it. We took some time. Now officially known as “The Hiatus,” we learned more about who were as individuals, about happiness, and about what really makes a difference in making a relationship work.
We learned that remaining committed to who we are as individuals was extremely important to us. Sacrificing who we are and what is important to us, like we had done in the past and see so many others do, can breed resentment. We learned that happiness comes from within ourselves. It isn’t “out there” somewhere and it certainly isn’t the responsibility of your partner to fulfill that need. As counterintuitive as it may seem, we learned to put ourselves first, as individuals, then as a couple. Despite how this may sound, it doesn’t mean our children, careers, family, and friends fall off the radar. In fact, in the four years we’ve now been together, I continue to be amazed by the strength that is drawn from that foundation and how it benefits all facets of our lives.
After “The Hiatus,” Mark was taking a personal development course where he was asked to share an experience. I was there that night. You have to know that Mark is an extremely private person. He stood up in front of a room of one hundred people and proceeded to say to me, “Before you came into my life, it was like being in a dark room lit by a candle. After you came along, it was like the curtains were opened and the room was filled with light.” I was stunned and all I could do is stand there with tears streaming down my face.
That was over two years ago. Recently he repeated to me what he said that night and slipped a ring on my finger. We leave in September for Switzerland where we’ll be married and will spend two weeks together traveling through Europe.
