Part 1: Men
For far too long, we men have defined ourselves in ways that have everything to do with how we are socialized and little to do with who we really are or want to be. It is only through conscious intention—a desire to do and be more than the role we have been prescribed—that we finally come to terms with the lies of a lifetime, and begin to live according to the truth and understanding of our own personal narrative.
The personal is also the most universal—in that it embraces the full spectrum of who we are as persons of a particular gender and all the habits inherent to group expression. How we express ourselves is in direct correlation to that dichotomy—the sum of who we are will always be twofold—as man/child, masculine/feminine. Accessing our two/faced nature is a balancing act predicated on just how much we love and understand ourselves. The more congruent we feel emotionally, the easier it is to except and respect the innumerable facets of our masculinity. Redefining ourselves to fit a truer representation of our gender makes it possible to not only recognize and value the uniqueness of who we are, but to also fulfill our role as partner/provider as it concerns our relationship to women.
Whether we choose to believe or not that women are the weaker sex, one thing is woefully apparent, their condition and treatment in one of the most industrialized and progressive nations on the planet is a shameful indictment of our masculinity. Can we really concede to any plausible reason for a man to ever abuse his wife, girlfriend, or daughter; whether mentally, emotionally or psychically?
God was not stupid in the architecture of the human species. We have a basic responsibility as the more physically stronger, to protect our most fragile—whether defined by circumstance of gender, ethnicity, orientation or class. And fragile should not necessarily be interpreted as meaning weak, but rather that which is delicate and easily broken. Human beings are such vessels.
It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference (something we as men can be awful good at—if not purposely, then simply by way of habit). But, indifference as a means of engaging the world has a lot of disadvantages, especially when it comes to the suffering of others. It is imperative that we re-reference the way we treat and address women; skanks, hoes and bitches are not words we say to people we claim to love.
Part 2: Women
I think the first and foremost casualty of the “gender war” came from focusing on our physical differences; we somehow misread those distinctions as deficits and proof of the others’ inferiority. Of course, men have been doing this all along, and for feminist thinking to reflect this misguided perception was simply a huge mistake.
Is it really politically incorrect for me to say, that part of loving a man—for a woman—comes from the fact that he is stronger and can protect her? And that part of loving a woman—for a man—is knowing that she is the physically weaker of the two and needs that protection. This I believe is hardwired into us because of our physical differences, and is so linked to a man’s need of being a hero. Maybe I’m stupid (and I have been known to read more into some things than there actually were), but there’s not a man alive, who hasn’t at one time, gathered his lady up in the muscular valley of his arms and felt the twinge of satisfaction that he was providing her some kind of respite.
On the flip side, there’s not a woman on the planet, who at one time or another hasn’t felt the sinuous, comfort of that sanctuary and nestled herself even deeper into its fleshy folds … and not for one second did either of them ever feel that something about the other was diminished.
