Okay Marriage, I’ve killed-off the funeral, now it’s time to unlock wedlock.
We humans are funny creatures of habitual tradition. Since publishing is under the reinvention guillotine,and in my opinion, funerals should be murdered, let’s take on the ganoche coated, calorie laden institution of marriage.
First, I’ll share with you what’s on the mind of a few of my friends lately.
I know an intelligent fella in his thirties who has been badgered for the past year by his wanna-be bridezilla to put a ring on her finger. Personally, I think he should just give her “the finger” instead of the ring.
When I say “badgered,” I am being kind. His thirty-year-old girlfriend actually ranted, “If I have a Down’s Syndrome child, it’s all your fault,” and “All the good destination weddings have already been done by my friends, so we may as well just go to the courthouse!”
Another intelligent, accomplished friend in her late twenties confides, “I get depressed all the time. I’m a failure. By my age I should be married and thinking about having kids. All my friends are married.” Never mind her long list of personal and professional accomplishments, devotion to community and family; in her mind they don’t add up to the value being married lends. She feels broken. Unwanted and unworthy.
This kind of talk makes me think we haven’t evolved at all. Some of us are still living in 1972.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with marriage. I’m saying perhaps the way we approach commitments to those we love should be brought up to date with our current values, beliefs and understandings. The current model of marriage, to me, is like the automobile before they invented front wheel drive and the automatic transmission. Dangerous in inclement weather and difficult to drive for most. Clunky and antiquated.
Marriage is not a “one size fits all” proposition.
For the past two years, I have been thinking of ways to reinvent the institution of marriage. So far, I have not been successful.
I think there should be an alternative to the over-used “common law” fall back and the traditional “white dress, me-me-me fest.”
I propose we come up with an ergonomic alternative to the bank-breaking marriage business. And yes, it is a business. Billions and billions of dollars big. According to the Wedding Report, the U.S. wedding industry alone is worth 66 billion a year. Combine that number with the divorce industry statistics and we could pay off a lot of mortgages.
A fresh language. A fresh way. A deeper, more meaningful experience of two people who choose to commit their most intimate, full self.
More about conscious living, and less about status quo and self-indulgent props.
Less of “Till death do us part” and more of “As long as we are both growing, thriving and alive on the inside. That we are better human beings together, than apart.” And if one day we realize we are not, to bless each other and respectfully move on to other paths where new growth awaits. Not from failure, but from the success that comes in knowing we are moving closer to a better “who” in “who we are.”
The recognition our relationship has just grown us up a little bit more.
I’m on my way back to the drawing board with a large tea and a big fat slice of pie. No wedding cake for me. If anyone out there can help me reinvent marriage, I’d love to hear from you!
