I’ve always wondered what some Type-A women do when their husbands pitch in around the house. Kids’ bath time, cleaning the kitchen, grocery shopping. Admittedly, I’m pretty Type A when it comes to some things at home. For instance, I need to have the kitchen table and counter tops free of clutter. This is a never-ending battle, as my husband is addicted to Post-It notes. He’s like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind: Whenever a thought occurs, you can see him furiously scribbling on many a Post-It. Or he likes to play with his calculus calculator—loves to figure out interest rates and economic formulas. (You can’t imagine the amount of paper needed.) Or—brace yourself—lottery picks. He claims he’s almost figured out the formula to winning the state lottery. Sigh.
No, he’s not insane. But he does have a crazy smart math-brain and it’s a little borderline. And when I see the piles and piles of post-its and half-filled notepads everywhere, I get very Type A. It’s like my thing with the garbage. Get out.
But when my man wants to do his share and get his hands dirty, I’m no type at all. I’m just happy.
I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and she needed a moment to vent. (In trying to favor anonymity in my smallish circle, I only blog about those who don’t follow me. In the event that this blog ever gets popular, I’m SOL.) Anyway, “Jane” needed to vent about her better half. He had loaded the dishwasher—after she asked him to sixty-five times—but he “didn’t do it the right way.”
Mama, say what?
My sympathetic murmurs stopped. “Uh, what do you mean, ‘wrong’”? I asked her. I didn’t understand how doing housework could ever be wrong. Unless it was at the wrong house.
She blew out a breath of frustration. “Just, you know, all messed up. The cups on the bottom, the non-stick pans were in there, bottle nipples just sitting on the top shelf. It was a mess. So I had to do it all over again.” She was ticked that by trying to help, he actually created more work for her. This is not something we, as moms and wives, should be surprised about. Men very often don’t do what we want them to. That’s why they’re called “MEN.” But it’s the effort that we should be looking at, not the end result.
So at risk of making her even madder, I went ahead and just stuck my whole foot in: “Oh, stop. At least he’s helping! My husband will use the kids’ baby shampoo for days before getting a new bar of soap.”
Silence.
Sorry, Jane, I know I was a bit rough. Because she’s Momulous (mom + fabulous), she saw my point and forgave my less-than-tactful approach. And then I realized that maybe I should listen to my own unsolicited advice. My husband does a lot. And I’ve been known to criticize when I should keep my mouth closed. So, without trying to make this post sound like a life-lesson-cum-lecture, I just want to say that in MY house, THIS mama is going to keep mum and just dole out lots of kisses when her man steps up.
What about you? Think she should zip it and let him do it his way? Or would it make you nuts, too?
