Having identified my top five reasons not to stay married, I’ve been pondering some good reasons to stay married. These are my top five reasons that any couple would want to stay married. None of these reasons by itself would create a stable enough foundation for a strong relationship, but together they create a marriage that could last forever.
Of the five reasons, the only one that isn’t mandatory is the good sex together. I included it because of my own experience, but I have also talked to many people for whom it’s not true. The other four reasons together form a strong foundation for a relationship that can last forever. Without all of these four reasons working together, a healthy and happy long term marriage isn’t likely.
1. Good sex on a regular basis. Sex with a partner who knows the intimate details of how your body responds is heavenly. If you are willing to experiment with new things, you can have the best of both worlds: hot sex with someone who knows exactly how to push your erotic buttons. And sometimes, it’s delightful enough to have “comfort sex”. Like comfort food, comfort sex makes you feel all warm and cozy. I would prescribe sex at least twice a week. Not doing it that often? Try to jump start your libido with a “Seven Days of Sex” commitment. Have sex every day for seven days and then see what happens.
2. Strong and healthy emotional bonds. Romantic ideals tell us “the two shall become one” when we marry someone. Don’t believe it! To maintain a healthy long term relationship, you have to maintain your sense of individuality. When you lose yourself in your partner, you begin to lose self confidence. It’s important to feel emotionally connected to your beloved, and it’s equally important to feel emotionally connected to yourself.
3. Shared values. Core values are those qualities by which we lead our lives. They color how we see the world, so if you have different core values than your partner does, you will see the world very differently and eventually that will cause cracks in the marriage. It’s not necessary to share every value, but it is important to share many of them.
