Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson deals with marriages in crisis by one of the partners being resolute in their dealings with the other partner. The anger and resentment shown by one partner does not have to be reciprocated by the other. The only way to deal with an out-of-control spouse is to calmly explain that the behavior is unacceptable and that you will not live your life like this. I didn’t read the book, but I religiously listened to his radio program, Focus on the Family, talking about the principles in the book.
My wife told me in no uncertain terms that she would not share me physically or emotionally with another woman. I am saying this because it has stuck with me better than anything else. I know she loves me, she tells me so all the time, but does that mean she would forgive me for a fling or emotional attachment to someone else? She made it clear that she wouldn’t accept living with me under those conditions. I am like most other men and attracted to other women physically, emotionally, or spiritually, but it is only an illusion. Do I really know the person I’m attracted to? Tough love is necessary to snap me back to reality. If you have a problem such as pornography, adult websites, chatting, alcohol, or drugs, the only real way out is to be tough and give them a choice of choosing one lifestyle over another. I know two people right off the bat whose marriage ended due to one or more of the problems listed earlier. Both people have also given up that lifestyle even though they are not living with anyone anymore, both having learned their lesson.
You have to be tough with anyone that you care about. If your own son or daughter is using drugs or dealing drugs, you must love them enough to kick them out of the house and cut them off financially. I know it is easier said than done, but in the long run, nothing good will come from empowering someone to continue bad behavior. We can justify anything we do in our minds, but then again, that is also an illusion.
